OK so we all remember the hit tv show Barney right ? Don't front either mothafucka because we all know in pre-school that was our shit. Well I'm going to tell you a story about this son of a bitch barney the dinosaur ( he was a dinosaur right ?)
My little scholars Christian academy was the scene of this catastrophe. I hated this gat damn school...they use to whoop our ass with drum sticks and shit ( that's another story ill tell yall about) but yeah tho back to story...so it was one of the kids birthday party, i cant recall the name ion know think the damn girl name was Amber Grace(damn girl looked like a fraggle rock) some country shit like that ion know shit.....but yeah though so its the end of the day and we having the birthday party you know just having fun, so Mrs. Lee ( this big ass cow-a-saurus was every bit of 5'11 with an old outdated french roll and a chin strap beard thicker than ricky rawseeeeeee himself) directed us to the eating area( shit was a damn kitchen stupid ass school wasn't shit but a shotgun house smh) so we sitting down and they bring in the cake, but before they cut the damn cake they tell us to close our eyes, talking about a fucking surprise and shit....so of course we do close our eyes....and 5 seconds later we open them and ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS A FUCKING GIGANTIC PURPLE DINOSAUR IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN!!!!!!!!! It was like a chain reaction of how the kids reacted....some were crying and I'm not talking about regular crying I'm talking about the kind where they yell and take a deep breath to yell some more.....others broke out running, some hid under tables, ME well I stood there in shock hell.....this fucker Barney is sitting there singing pedo shit like " I love you" on tv it sounded like a jolly voice in person it sounded like some possessed demon with a deep voice.....that fool Barney had the nerves to pick up one of the babies that damn baby was clawing that nigga like a damn wolverine badger combo.............THE WORST DAY OF MY TODDLER LIFE, well that's if i exclude the episode where my moms dragged me to see the Easter bunny.
END!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sunday, November 1, 2009
THE GOODWILL STORY
So look we all know what is like going to school on the first day in fresh gear, oooooooo shit we be up till 4 am in the morning with the outfit laid out....shittt we even have the kicks laid out on top of the bed....we be thinking to ourselves " OMG IM GONE HURT EM TOMORROW. Yeah thats how it suppose to be.......This Story is different
SCHOOL SHOPPING
So im at my cousin's crib (Ama, Joe, David), this is a week before school they are suppose to go shopping with their dad (J-dub aka johnny they call him J-dub because he's a cop, which they hate) So these niggas sitting up bragging and shit about how they going to be fresher than me (note I havent went shopping yet) so im like nigga whatever yall buck mouth mouthafuckas need to invest that school money into a damn barrier for the, buck ass teeth. So after like 30 minutes of talking to these barraka off springs J-dub arrives...he like I can tag along if I want so im like cool, I suppose I can see what the competition will be copping for school.
SIDE NOTE
I had to add this part lol. The whole time we riding in the car im looking at J-dub's bald ass head.
The back of his head had this slit by the neck part.....the shit looked like a clitoris....MAN IM TELLING YALL THAT SHIT LOOKED LIKE A WET CUNT (bald head guys be having a lot of grease on they head....on top of that is what hot as hell that day) all i could do was LOL and come up with names about how it looks....."the third hole" " tampon neck" "cuntacular skull"
BACK TO THE STORY
So we riding and we end up in this east point plaza.....so im looking around and im saying to myself they dad must have to meet someone up here.....that changed quickly.....J-dub tells everyone to get out the car and he starts walking in the direction of the GOODWILL....I put my shirt in my mouth and died LOL...the look on these niggas faces where priceless .....so we up in this goodwill this nigga Ama is pissed lol he like "fuck this bruh im not getting shit from here I'll wear some old shit to school......Joe the youngest of the 3 is over here trying on dingy Usher blazers and big ass fabo glasses tombout some "YEAH' lmaooo....now the funniest shit had to be the oldest brother David who was actually walking around goodwill picking shit out like he liked it lmaoooooo shit was hilarious because he had old as wrangler jeans in his hand that looked liked Brett Farve himself had worn in an NFL game lmaoooo this nigga had so much bum shit in his hands I knew this nigga did not like none of that shit..he was just trying to please his father...so after like 20 minutes in GOODWILL J-dub ask them "Yall find anything yall like" all I could think to myself was that this black bald head, 1 Mike Tyson gold tooth ass nigga cant be serious lol............All of them except David says no.........Jdub say "ok lets go" then we leave.
Moral of this story.....dont brag about being fresher than me got dammit
SCHOOL SHOPPING
So im at my cousin's crib (Ama, Joe, David), this is a week before school they are suppose to go shopping with their dad (J-dub aka johnny they call him J-dub because he's a cop, which they hate) So these niggas sitting up bragging and shit about how they going to be fresher than me (note I havent went shopping yet) so im like nigga whatever yall buck mouth mouthafuckas need to invest that school money into a damn barrier for the, buck ass teeth. So after like 30 minutes of talking to these barraka off springs J-dub arrives...he like I can tag along if I want so im like cool, I suppose I can see what the competition will be copping for school.
SIDE NOTE
I had to add this part lol. The whole time we riding in the car im looking at J-dub's bald ass head.
The back of his head had this slit by the neck part.....the shit looked like a clitoris....MAN IM TELLING YALL THAT SHIT LOOKED LIKE A WET CUNT (bald head guys be having a lot of grease on they head....on top of that is what hot as hell that day) all i could do was LOL and come up with names about how it looks....."the third hole" " tampon neck" "cuntacular skull"
BACK TO THE STORY
So we riding and we end up in this east point plaza.....so im looking around and im saying to myself they dad must have to meet someone up here.....that changed quickly.....J-dub tells everyone to get out the car and he starts walking in the direction of the GOODWILL....I put my shirt in my mouth and died LOL...the look on these niggas faces where priceless .....so we up in this goodwill this nigga Ama is pissed lol he like "fuck this bruh im not getting shit from here I'll wear some old shit to school......Joe the youngest of the 3 is over here trying on dingy Usher blazers and big ass fabo glasses tombout some "YEAH' lmaooo....now the funniest shit had to be the oldest brother David who was actually walking around goodwill picking shit out like he liked it lmaoooooo shit was hilarious because he had old as wrangler jeans in his hand that looked liked Brett Farve himself had worn in an NFL game lmaoooo this nigga had so much bum shit in his hands I knew this nigga did not like none of that shit..he was just trying to please his father...so after like 20 minutes in GOODWILL J-dub ask them "Yall find anything yall like" all I could think to myself was that this black bald head, 1 Mike Tyson gold tooth ass nigga cant be serious lol............All of them except David says no.........Jdub say "ok lets go" then we leave.
Moral of this story.....dont brag about being fresher than me got dammit
Thursday, September 3, 2009
YAK AND A 5 PIECE
THE SCENARIO
So here is the scenario.....I'm in Montgomery, Alabama...its winter..I'm hanging out with the niggaz from Chicago.....Al(big homie from the chi...T(fat homie from the chi)....Sonny P(small crazy ass nigga from the chi nigga stayed on savage)....keen(born in the chi raised in Montgomery...nigga swear he from the chi) Jason(weirdo from the Chi nigga was funny an animated as hell and a damn alcoholic).....and my fellow atlien Jvo(nigga look like a down syndrome version of ol boy who sing birthday sex)
So this nigga jvo ask me to run him to ASU(Alabama State University) campus to pick up to hoes...yes I said hoes because that's what they were....so I'm like cool.....I drive him to pick up these 2 broads......
THE BROADS
One was light skinned with short hair....and the other was dark skinned with short, they both were skinny but they were decent...tight asses, nice round (dave chappelle) Tittaysssss....
BACK AT THE CRIB
So jvo and sonny P get these to unstuffed turkey whores in the room........I guess they start running the broads...because we could hear them and shit.....so eventually they separate rooms jvo comes in the living room and start fucking the broad on the chair....all the rest of us are in the den area or chilling outside....everything was cool until this crazy nigga from the Chi name Jason....
THE FUCK UP
This nigga Jason walks up on some thirty ass shit..while jvo hitting this broad and ask could he fuck the whore.....so to make it clean and cut...the bitch said no lol....this nigga jason reply by grabbing this girl tittay.....she hopes up and curses him out (Birmingham broad FTL) so Al who is in the next room with his wifey come out with a glass of yak in his hand on some king of the playboy mansion type shit...so he ask"what the fuck is going on" the broad reply"this fuck nigga touched my titty talking about let him join in" Al reply "thats what we do we run hoes round here".......before you know it this bitch done hit Al like 30 times in the face....I mean this nigga Al is walking toward the kitchen carefully trying not to spill his yak while this broad is dropping bows on him lmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmfaaaaaaaaooooooo
BITCH DONE FUCKED UP
So this nigga Al puts the yak down...grabs her(this nigga all is 6'2 like 200 pounds) by the throat and picks her off the ground on some kane shit lmaooo I mean he has her in the air choking her...saying "BITCH YOU DONT KNOW WHO YOU FUCKING WITH, ALMOST MAKING ME WASTE THIS DAMN YAK".............eventually we had to get him to put her down because he was damn sure going to kill her over that yak lmaoooo......he kicks the hoes out of his house...but they crazy part about it is, this nigga JVO is pissed that he didnt get to finished I mean he is depressed...bruh is just sitting on the couch butt ass naked.....0_o Al tells him to get the fuck out for sitting on his couch butt naked lmfaooooooooooooo
the end
So here is the scenario.....I'm in Montgomery, Alabama...its winter..I'm hanging out with the niggaz from Chicago.....Al(big homie from the chi...T(fat homie from the chi)....Sonny P(small crazy ass nigga from the chi nigga stayed on savage)....keen(born in the chi raised in Montgomery...nigga swear he from the chi) Jason(weirdo from the Chi nigga was funny an animated as hell and a damn alcoholic).....and my fellow atlien Jvo(nigga look like a down syndrome version of ol boy who sing birthday sex)
So this nigga jvo ask me to run him to ASU(Alabama State University) campus to pick up to hoes...yes I said hoes because that's what they were....so I'm like cool.....I drive him to pick up these 2 broads......
THE BROADS
One was light skinned with short hair....and the other was dark skinned with short, they both were skinny but they were decent...tight asses, nice round (dave chappelle) Tittaysssss....
BACK AT THE CRIB
So jvo and sonny P get these to unstuffed turkey whores in the room........I guess they start running the broads...because we could hear them and shit.....so eventually they separate rooms jvo comes in the living room and start fucking the broad on the chair....all the rest of us are in the den area or chilling outside....everything was cool until this crazy nigga from the Chi name Jason....
THE FUCK UP
This nigga Jason walks up on some thirty ass shit..while jvo hitting this broad and ask could he fuck the whore.....so to make it clean and cut...the bitch said no lol....this nigga jason reply by grabbing this girl tittay.....she hopes up and curses him out (Birmingham broad FTL) so Al who is in the next room with his wifey come out with a glass of yak in his hand on some king of the playboy mansion type shit...so he ask"what the fuck is going on" the broad reply"this fuck nigga touched my titty talking about let him join in" Al reply "thats what we do we run hoes round here".......before you know it this bitch done hit Al like 30 times in the face....I mean this nigga Al is walking toward the kitchen carefully trying not to spill his yak while this broad is dropping bows on him lmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmfaaaaaaaaooooooo
BITCH DONE FUCKED UP
So this nigga Al puts the yak down...grabs her(this nigga all is 6'2 like 200 pounds) by the throat and picks her off the ground on some kane shit lmaooo I mean he has her in the air choking her...saying "BITCH YOU DONT KNOW WHO YOU FUCKING WITH, ALMOST MAKING ME WASTE THIS DAMN YAK".............eventually we had to get him to put her down because he was damn sure going to kill her over that yak lmaoooo......he kicks the hoes out of his house...but they crazy part about it is, this nigga JVO is pissed that he didnt get to finished I mean he is depressed...bruh is just sitting on the couch butt ass naked.....0_o Al tells him to get the fuck out for sitting on his couch butt naked lmfaooooooooooooo
the end
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Conversation in The Womens Bathroom
Now I know yall like what the hell is Keith talking about womens bathroom lol....welllllllllllllllllll let me get on with this story.
FRESH
Ok it was high school football in Alabama (big shit ) it was the city rivalry...Carver high Vs. Lanier high....I mean this shit is like a HBCU classic...it even got its own name "The West Side Classic"...can you say ghetto as hell lmfaoooo....but any way I had just bought the olymipic 1s buurrrr so I bought some clean ass denims to go with them, with this captain america fleece...and shirt...with a nice red navy white silver cardinals hat buuurrrrr...I was clean as hell...so its like 7 the game start at like 7:30.....so I go pick up my god sister(Tamika real cool peeps from Nyc raised in Alabama) and we off.................
THE CAR RIDE
So we in my whip (93 caprice classic flopping paint choppin 22's buurrr) and we just talking....and all of sudden my stomach goes to hurting...um like god no dont do this to me...PLEAAASEEE JUST GO AWAY....so I'm thinking the bubble guts will go away.....but for some reason the bastarads was chokeslamming my insides...and then I just felt it about to come on out...so now im swerving through the streets trying to find a gas station or something, so I could take the stork bird to deliver the commode babies safely to the toilet and not on myself.....AGAIN(READ I CRAPPED MYSELF)...
THE FIRST GAS STATION
Now I rush in to this gas station looking for the bathroom....dont see it...so I ask the clerk where the damn bathroom at....this mothafucka tombout they dont have one (-__________-) so i dipp off like a crack head going through withdrawal which i was....I hop in my whip and head to the on across the street.....
THE SECOND GAS STATION
I rush in ask for the keys to the bathroom outside...before he give me the keys this bitch ass nigga give me a long lecture about bringing the keys back...Im like nigga....right now im like a pregnant woman in labor..give me the fucking keys....he give me the keys I sprint to the bathroom open it up and what the fuck do I see........a fucking massacre of a bathroom piss all on the floor....tissue every where...and it aint no extra tissue to wipe your ass with but the tissue on the floor.....my thoughts were FUCKKKKKKKK....GOD YOU HAD THIS PLANNED FOR ME YOU DIDNT WANT TO SEE A YOUNG NIGGA CLEAN AND STUNTIN.......so for a split second I thought about taking a shit on the floor and sticking dudes keys in it and handing them to him...but then I thought...WHAT AM I GOING TO WIPE MY ASS WITH....so that was out of the question cant walk around with my ass hole feeling like a mosquito stung me like 50 time (pause)....so I left
WENDYS BATHROOM
By this time im sweating this is a serious shit dropping about to happen....Im talking about atom bomb type shit the liquid milkshake type of dookie(lol at dookie) yall know the kind I'm talking about the kind that feels like hot lava.........so I run in wendys go to the mens and WHAT DO YOU KNOW ANOTHER FUCKED UP BATHROOM WITH NO TISSUE BECAUSE ITS ON THE FLOOR MAKING A STEW WITH PISS AND MOP WATER...so I'm like fuck this shit....im going to the womens bath room right now.....I head in the womens bathroom and man it was like heaven in there...the floors were clean, it smelled good, and they had tissue..so I go in and do my thing and it is fucking fierce lol....so while I'm in the middle of taking a dump....a female comes in I'm like fuck I hope she cant see me through the crack of the door....maybe she will think I'm one of them stud dike type of females...I was wrong she knew i was a guy.....but the crazy thing about it was...she was cool as HELL(FELLLAS NO SHE WAS NOT FINE) so we start talking and I'm like"how you knew I was a guy" her reply "the hair on your head and legs" was like damn....but peep this though she actually was taking a piss while talking to me lmfaooooooooooooooooooooooo........the shit was crazy it was like seeing a grandma ride a caprice on 30's I was shocked that she felt so comfortable to use the bathroom while I was in it......she even asked did I need any tissue....SHE ASK MY STANK ASS DO I NEED MORE TISSUE AND WAS I OK.....the woman was caring....
BACK IN THE CAR
I told Tamika what happened....she died lol...I told her if she ever tell anyone she getting her ass beat..........but now its too late now because all of you know lol
FRESH
Ok it was high school football in Alabama (big shit ) it was the city rivalry...Carver high Vs. Lanier high....I mean this shit is like a HBCU classic...it even got its own name "The West Side Classic"...can you say ghetto as hell lmfaoooo....but any way I had just bought the olymipic 1s buurrrr so I bought some clean ass denims to go with them, with this captain america fleece...and shirt...with a nice red navy white silver cardinals hat buuurrrrr...I was clean as hell...so its like 7 the game start at like 7:30.....so I go pick up my god sister(Tamika real cool peeps from Nyc raised in Alabama) and we off.................
THE CAR RIDE
So we in my whip (93 caprice classic flopping paint choppin 22's buurrr) and we just talking....and all of sudden my stomach goes to hurting...um like god no dont do this to me...PLEAAASEEE JUST GO AWAY....so I'm thinking the bubble guts will go away.....but for some reason the bastarads was chokeslamming my insides...and then I just felt it about to come on out...so now im swerving through the streets trying to find a gas station or something, so I could take the stork bird to deliver the commode babies safely to the toilet and not on myself.....AGAIN(READ I CRAPPED MYSELF)...
THE FIRST GAS STATION
Now I rush in to this gas station looking for the bathroom....dont see it...so I ask the clerk where the damn bathroom at....this mothafucka tombout they dont have one (-__________-) so i dipp off like a crack head going through withdrawal which i was....I hop in my whip and head to the on across the street.....
THE SECOND GAS STATION
I rush in ask for the keys to the bathroom outside...before he give me the keys this bitch ass nigga give me a long lecture about bringing the keys back...Im like nigga....right now im like a pregnant woman in labor..give me the fucking keys....he give me the keys I sprint to the bathroom open it up and what the fuck do I see........a fucking massacre of a bathroom piss all on the floor....tissue every where...and it aint no extra tissue to wipe your ass with but the tissue on the floor.....my thoughts were FUCKKKKKKKK....GOD YOU HAD THIS PLANNED FOR ME YOU DIDNT WANT TO SEE A YOUNG NIGGA CLEAN AND STUNTIN.......so for a split second I thought about taking a shit on the floor and sticking dudes keys in it and handing them to him...but then I thought...WHAT AM I GOING TO WIPE MY ASS WITH....so that was out of the question cant walk around with my ass hole feeling like a mosquito stung me like 50 time (pause)....so I left
WENDYS BATHROOM
By this time im sweating this is a serious shit dropping about to happen....Im talking about atom bomb type shit the liquid milkshake type of dookie(lol at dookie) yall know the kind I'm talking about the kind that feels like hot lava.........so I run in wendys go to the mens and WHAT DO YOU KNOW ANOTHER FUCKED UP BATHROOM WITH NO TISSUE BECAUSE ITS ON THE FLOOR MAKING A STEW WITH PISS AND MOP WATER...so I'm like fuck this shit....im going to the womens bath room right now.....I head in the womens bathroom and man it was like heaven in there...the floors were clean, it smelled good, and they had tissue..so I go in and do my thing and it is fucking fierce lol....so while I'm in the middle of taking a dump....a female comes in I'm like fuck I hope she cant see me through the crack of the door....maybe she will think I'm one of them stud dike type of females...I was wrong she knew i was a guy.....but the crazy thing about it was...she was cool as HELL(FELLLAS NO SHE WAS NOT FINE) so we start talking and I'm like"how you knew I was a guy" her reply "the hair on your head and legs" was like damn....but peep this though she actually was taking a piss while talking to me lmfaooooooooooooooooooooooo........the shit was crazy it was like seeing a grandma ride a caprice on 30's I was shocked that she felt so comfortable to use the bathroom while I was in it......she even asked did I need any tissue....SHE ASK MY STANK ASS DO I NEED MORE TISSUE AND WAS I OK.....the woman was caring....
BACK IN THE CAR
I told Tamika what happened....she died lol...I told her if she ever tell anyone she getting her ass beat..........but now its too late now because all of you know lol
Monday, July 27, 2009
Gracy Crumpton Chronicles: Shut yo pussy mouth(short story)
I can remember the first time my grandma said those be love it words...and Im not talking about "I love you" Im talking about shut yo pussy mouth"....this is a short story guys as a matter of fact all of the Gracy Crumpton Chronicles will be short stories....so here we go....
So my brother was running through my grandma house keping up noise as usual lol.....now my grandma had all ready to him to sit down and shut up, of course he kept runing around the house keeping up noise....you could see the frustration on her face.....it was like the evil seeping through her skin lol....her whole face turned red lmfao...eventually she exploded.....and brought the raft of 1oo elderly people stuck in an olds folks home with arthritis ...............................
THE SCORN
She gets out her chair and starts walking with her cane you can here it as it clinks on the ground, now my bro is faster than her but for some reason when she is pissed she moves like hussan bolt no shit its scary........She yelled out at the top of her lungs....." SHUT YO PUSSY MOUTH.....YOU PEE MOUTH FROG.....I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK AND SITCHO ASHH(thats how she pronounce ass) DOWN MACKA( brother name is michelangeo but she calls him macka instead of michel) NOW YOU KEEP IT UP HEA AND IM GONE BEAT THE DRY SKIN OFF YO ASHH.....NOW PLAY IF YOU WANT...IMA TAKE A STRAP TO YA ASHH.....
long story short he sat his ass donw
Sunday, July 26, 2009
The Gracy Crumpton Chronicles: Part 1...The introduction
Who is Gracy Crumpton
I know yall like who the fuck is Gracy Crumpton????....Well Gracy Crumpton is my grandmother on my moms side. She's about 5'4 light skinned...long gray hair...with a crook in her back..she walks with a cane...
The background
Now Grandma is from a hick town in Alabama call Georgiana...so you know she country and don't play that shit..don't get it twisted it though she has traveled around the world so she got plenty of sense..just crazy as hell.
The info you must know
Now let me tell you something about Gracy........She loves dry tobacco snuff, and she will gladly curse you from A to Z about it if she don't have it (story coming soon about the Snuff) she got to have her coffe with sweet loaf..she has to have her enquirer and sun magazines...she has seen every episode of days of our lives. the young and the restless, and passions...she carries a spit cup around the house...along with her .38 caliber pistol...she never sleeps...NEVER and she is very...very paranoid
The dialog
now I dont know what your grandma vocab consist of but my grandma goes all out...which you will find out in these up coming issues...just to add a little insight....she will definitely call you a Pussy mouth.....and bitch..thos are her favorite words
NOW that you know whats up you are prepared for the stories to come...first story starts monday or tuesday
I know yall like who the fuck is Gracy Crumpton????....Well Gracy Crumpton is my grandmother on my moms side. She's about 5'4 light skinned...long gray hair...with a crook in her back..she walks with a cane...
The background
Now Grandma is from a hick town in Alabama call Georgiana...so you know she country and don't play that shit..don't get it twisted it though she has traveled around the world so she got plenty of sense..just crazy as hell.
The info you must know
Now let me tell you something about Gracy........She loves dry tobacco snuff, and she will gladly curse you from A to Z about it if she don't have it (story coming soon about the Snuff) she got to have her coffe with sweet loaf..she has to have her enquirer and sun magazines...she has seen every episode of days of our lives. the young and the restless, and passions...she carries a spit cup around the house...along with her .38 caliber pistol...she never sleeps...NEVER and she is very...very paranoid
The dialog
now I dont know what your grandma vocab consist of but my grandma goes all out...which you will find out in these up coming issues...just to add a little insight....she will definitely call you a Pussy mouth.....and bitch..thos are her favorite words
NOW that you know whats up you are prepared for the stories to come...first story starts monday or tuesday
Friday, July 10, 2009
I crapped myself
We all got embarrassing stories as kids....so I'm going to tell you one of mines.
It was 1995, Montgomery Alabama Vaughn rd elementary school (Ms. Gambles class room 101)....yeah I took yall back to the old school lol. Any way it was friday show and tell so you know it was jumpin in that bitch...you know I was in that thang flexing with the Franky Frankenstein toy...yall know the one that talked and you could open up his head and chest....yeah buuurrrrrrrr.....so a nigga had that best toy and shit....so after the victory of show and tell it was nap time.....
The wake up.....
So I wake up from my nap and shit and I'm thinking damn I must have put on a few pounds because I felt heavy than usual. So I stand up and ummm that's when I felt something drop in my draws.....my reaction is like god nooooooooooooooooooooooo don't let this be me....did i really shit on my self......fuck (yes I cursed like a mothafucka when I was young also) so I run to the bathroom pull down my pants and man it looked like a cow pasture down there no lie....I would've went commando and disposed of the draws but I'm not a fan of shit and besides that would leave evidence....so I go back in the class room...its 2:30 the bell don't ring till 3 so I'm just sitting here in my own shit like a dead old person who shitted themselves in the middle of dying. this whole time I'm hearing people say "man what is that smell"..."something stink" you know its like you get super hearing powers when something embarrassing happens to you...you can hear everybody saying shit...during this whole time period I'm praying nobody finds out..hell I think I cursed god out for letting this happen to me lol. So the 3o minutes that felt like a whole new day pass the bell ring I get up run for the bus with cow fertilizer in my draws.
The bus ride.....
Now if yall know anything about the deep south...then yall know in april its hot as fuck, and that did'nt help my situation or the person sitting next to me who just so happen to be my friend (brian..bucktooth country kid with big ears who stayed up the street from me) this littel loud ass bumpkin just blurt out"yall smell that something STANKKKKKK!!!!" this nigga is loud as fuck real talk "Bus driver you smell that" so you know I'm pissed but I gotta play it off like it aint me...so I'm like "Hell yeah something stank damn let down the windows" (OMG lol at this as I'm typing) man I had the whole bus fucked up....finally I get home
Home....
So I run in the house tell me my mom what happened she throws away my chemical ass polluted clothes and tell me to get in the tub.....after all this is done, she says"You know if you would've told the teacher about this I could have came and got you from school" I'm like (0______0).....It never dawn on me to call my mom...thats what I get for panicking. I swear for a week my brother and sisters talked about me shitting on myself lmfao....
"DONT JUDGE ME DAMMNIT"
It was 1995, Montgomery Alabama Vaughn rd elementary school (Ms. Gambles class room 101)....yeah I took yall back to the old school lol. Any way it was friday show and tell so you know it was jumpin in that bitch...you know I was in that thang flexing with the Franky Frankenstein toy...yall know the one that talked and you could open up his head and chest....yeah buuurrrrrrrr.....so a nigga had that best toy and shit....so after the victory of show and tell it was nap time.....
The wake up.....
So I wake up from my nap and shit and I'm thinking damn I must have put on a few pounds because I felt heavy than usual. So I stand up and ummm that's when I felt something drop in my draws.....my reaction is like god nooooooooooooooooooooooo don't let this be me....did i really shit on my self......fuck (yes I cursed like a mothafucka when I was young also) so I run to the bathroom pull down my pants and man it looked like a cow pasture down there no lie....I would've went commando and disposed of the draws but I'm not a fan of shit and besides that would leave evidence....so I go back in the class room...its 2:30 the bell don't ring till 3 so I'm just sitting here in my own shit like a dead old person who shitted themselves in the middle of dying. this whole time I'm hearing people say "man what is that smell"..."something stink" you know its like you get super hearing powers when something embarrassing happens to you...you can hear everybody saying shit...during this whole time period I'm praying nobody finds out..hell I think I cursed god out for letting this happen to me lol. So the 3o minutes that felt like a whole new day pass the bell ring I get up run for the bus with cow fertilizer in my draws.
The bus ride.....
Now if yall know anything about the deep south...then yall know in april its hot as fuck, and that did'nt help my situation or the person sitting next to me who just so happen to be my friend (brian..bucktooth country kid with big ears who stayed up the street from me) this littel loud ass bumpkin just blurt out"yall smell that something STANKKKKKK!!!!" this nigga is loud as fuck real talk "Bus driver you smell that" so you know I'm pissed but I gotta play it off like it aint me...so I'm like "Hell yeah something stank damn let down the windows" (OMG lol at this as I'm typing) man I had the whole bus fucked up....finally I get home
Home....
So I run in the house tell me my mom what happened she throws away my chemical ass polluted clothes and tell me to get in the tub.....after all this is done, she says"You know if you would've told the teacher about this I could have came and got you from school" I'm like (0______0).....It never dawn on me to call my mom...thats what I get for panicking. I swear for a week my brother and sisters talked about me shitting on myself lmfao....
"DONT JUDGE ME DAMMNIT"
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