That Awkward Moment of Silence

Ok yall....here we go..lets get something out of the way! Now for those of you that's been here from the jump...since the got damn beginning..KNOW!!!! When I post a blog about my sex life...the shit never goes smooth...welllllllllll of course I'm back with a new story, well its not new shit happened back in 2009 but still this my first time telling it so shut the fuck up bitch and listen...OH what ? You not gone listen ? Well fuck you and ya stank ass mama..bih be coming outside with that lil ass pone tail at the top of her head cause sheen got enough hair in the back to reach the front...hoe head looking like a broken convertible top...bih done gelled the back of her hair all night looking like bo slick and Harriet Tubman...back of the hoe head ashy hard and crusty, like Nigerian feet...bitch I know you...you the lil long fruit roll up titty having hoe that was trying to be candy lady for a day and ended up giving away all ya candy for nickel bags of crack scrapings....

WOAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I see i got distracted lol...back to the story

The Web

So yeah, I had just got back to Atlanta and out of a relationship..so of course I'm back on my Lion Boy SHIT! I'm looking for a bitch I can dump dis dick off in ya know trying to get my lap wet with a few lonely raindrops...my car was out of commission so I couldn't roam the jungles of Atlanta like I wanted to...sooooo I go to this old ass website ( yes a website...real players know...when youre not mobile you hit them internet streets and Google the pussy)..TAGGED.COM! Yall know that website was the shit in high school, IDK why I went on this specific website but I did...so I see this Jamaican chick with this bad ass body....no lie shawty was like Keish from belly...had me like 0_0......so I hit her with go to Niketalk Myspace line "can I borrow you" lmaoooooooo yall know that shit worked like a charm..I got the digits and everything...I hit shawty up ASAP...we chop it up....of course I invite her over the next day...

THE CRIB

So Shawty catch the bus to my house....she get off and she got on these damn black leggings walking all stank and bowlegged ...thighs and ass flying ehwhere..I swear to god...In my mind I'm like..."God You know im bout to TEAR THIS CURRY CHICKEN ASS UP!!!!!!! GIVE ME THE STRENGTH OF 1000000 GOLIATHS...I SWEAR IM FUCK THE RASTA OUT THIS HOE", we make it back to my crib and I put a movie on and shit....I forget what it was, I mean I wasnt paying attention no way...hell she didnt even sit down on the couch, she put all of that hamhock ass in my lap....my face is like this -----> ^_^ lmao...yall got to understand...I was in a slump after My ex and I had broke up...I wasnt chasing any YAMPS just chilling and being miserable..so of course I wasnt getting any pussy...my dick was dry as them hoes asses who don't put lotion on their butt crack during the winter...hoe ass crack be so dry she gotta get a metal foot scrubber to get the dirty ashy ass flakes off her butt...but yeah...I was horny as hell...and my dick was ready to put that broads walls into ICU( INTENSIVE COOCHIE UNIT)...so I say fuck this movie lets go to my room...she like cool...hell before I got to the room that broad was giving me the sloppiest blow occupation I ever had dawg....spit flying ehwhere...I mean this yamp was good...look if I had been uncircumcised she would sucked the extra meat off and it would've been a pleasant circumcision...so after like 10 minutes...I'm like strip..I'm ready to pound her....I'm looking like a LION BOY...I done stripped ass naked...just so my clothes wouldnt hinder my agile speed and power in my stroke...I tie my hair back AKA MY LION BOY MANE.....and I'm ready to FUCK!....So she strips naked and say "Fuck me from the back"...I'm like "bitch what you think I was going to do in the first place ? fuck you face to face ?" ...So she turns over and get into that real doggy style position...FELLAS YALL KNOW WHAT IM SAYING!!!!!!!! Face down Pussy and ass up type shit...not like how them ol weak ass hoes be...you know putting that hump in they back being scary...bitches be in the Quasimodo position looking like retards...tombout doggy style...yeah right scab...you look like you got scoliosis...bitch is yo spine crooked ? Assume the damn position then you got damn hunchback. But yeah so she's ready...I put that magnum on...and its on...

WHAT IN DA DAMN HELL

I'm thinking I'm about to slide this crooked pussy burglar inside this hoe with ease...yeahhhhh righttttttttt!!!!!!!!! I got maybe half of my head in, and she started running up the damn headboard...I'm like what the hell is wrong...shes like "NO THAT SHIT HURTS LIKE HELL...WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR DICK?"...I'm like whats wrong with your pussy ? She like "No something is really wrong with your dick...its too big for me...and is it curves..no..we cant do this" I'm like...Mi dick is not to big...your pussy is too small dammit......so she says holup...give her a few minutes...I'm like cool....so I'm laying in my bed ass naked...looking at my dick go from super erect....to flaccid as fuck....5 minutes pass by...10 minutes pass by...15 minutes pass by..20 minutes pass by...I'm raging mad...so I say...

HEY...GET THE FUCK UP...AND GET THE FUCK OUT...FUCK YOU THINK THIS IS A REST STOP FOR COOCHIE ? A FUCKING SHELTERED FOR BATTERED AND ABUSED UTERUS..YOU DONE LOST YOUR MIND TRYING ME LIKE A FUCKING LAME..GETCHO BLACK ASS OUT OF MY HOUSE...AND I BETTER NO EVER SEE YA ASS ON THIS STREET AGAIN....GOOD LUCK WALKING DOWN THE STREET BY YOURSELF HOE..BEEF PATTY ASS BITCH!

Yeah I know I was harsh....but damn yall...I was just coming out of a very emotional relationship...I wanted some pussy and I wanted right then and there...ya know...I actually seen shawty last year on the bus...she couldn't even look me in the eye lmao

The moral of this story is...well... don't be so tighten up

RIP CHRIS THOMPSON AKA @CHRISIN2D The Guy I never Met

Today I woke up, showered, brushed my teeth and put on my work clothes just like everyone else did, I wasn't expected much from this day, hell I wanted this day to go by fast as possible so I could be with my family on Thursday. I wasn't even planning on logging on twitter to be honest, don't know why but I wasn't...I did anyway and unfortunately I had to find out about losing a close follower, NT fam Chris Thompson better known as @ChrisIn2D on twitter...never in million years if someone would have told me that I would care and be hurt about a guy I never met, you know that's just how I function...I separate my feelings from people I don't know...but with Chris of course it was different, been knowing the guy since 09 and since then Him and I have had a lot of conversations on life....shared a lot of things in common. I guess when you can connect with people on that level you don't have to see them in the physical form to know they're good people, or friend worthy...I was at work when Amp broke the news, I was shocked at how hard it hit me...I just went to the bathroom and just sat there until my shift was over...because I couldn't believe it....I'm no stranger to death, I experience it yearly with my childhood friends...I tell people all the time when subject of "Death" comes up that I should have been dead a minute ago, just off the strength of what my past is....but you know every time it comes around its like a new experience to me...I guess its because I'm 22 and everyone around me is the same age also...it just doesn't seem right for us to die at this age, what have we accomplished at 20, 21, 22 ?I guess its just the things I know the ones we lost like Chris wont have the chance to experience...Kids, meeting that special woman, getting old and watching your kids have kids... that's what hurts the most...I'm not going to turn this into a novel tho...

SO......RIP Chris...sad to know you and I will never have a conversation again, and I'm sorry I couldn't make it down to Florida in time and chop it up with you like we planned for so long....RIP...its love

Also AMP hold your head.

THAT ONE TIME IN 6TH GRADE

First off...Yall hoes better stop rushing me and my damn stories before somebody get they damn uterus slept in by a big crooked ass cock!...

Secondaly shoutout to Paul D. West Middle School...Off in that East Point, whats hannin cuh cuh...folk folk...whats hannin lil Poont Rock...lil Pickle Head...lil Jug Mouth...lil Toe nail clipper...yeah whats hannin!

OK I dont know what the hell I was talking about in that sentence above this, I dont even know who I was shouting out, but yeah lets get on with this story yall lol!

HISTORY!

Ok this story is about this fuck boi Joshua Smith and the fight we had in Ms. Shan homeroom class at paul d. west, but before I get into all that lets do a background check on this hoe nigga. Now Josh and I go back to elementary, Conley Hills elementary to be exact...this guy was the biggest weakest kid in school..fucking care bear ass nigga...straight up, bruh couldve been "Bitch Bear" if you touched this bum he would start crying like a hoe on her period that left her tampons..now she gotta be all bloody for a whole damn week, because her stupid ass went on a camping trip, but yeah back to the fuck boi matter at hand, dude was heart was fucking flaccid, church going, band geek drumline hoe nigga...shawty was soft as freshly made Easter peeps...history lesson done.

Interlude

Now look I always been skinny, always...but listen here BITCH! My dick been big, and been crooked and ready fuck since the age of four...Now I know yall like what does this have to do with the story Keith...Shut up cunt slabs and let me tell you. I was born with all these weapons for the hoes because my Father KEITH CHANDLER SR! WAS A FUCKING THOROUGH ASS NIGGA...meaning bitch blood dont pump here...he took up boxing since he was a kid...so of course he taught me how to square up and bless niggas with THAWHAW power and anger. That means dont try me..I will knock you the hell out, then occupy your hoe, mother, sister, aunts, hell even ya dead grandma uterus and make them hoes come alive again. My point is when it comes to actually throwing hands, size dont matter...but brains do...let the story begin.

Homeroom Open Chest

So its 8am class havent started yet, teacher aint made it in yet with her fat stank breath, wet armpit having ass, but yeah we in this classroom horsing around and shit like young gangstas do! So my Patna dem toine suggest we play open chest, I'm like hell yeah nigga lets go ain no fuck boi lets play. So I'm walk around class with my chest covered and shit looking for a fool to punch and I see this bum nigga josh slipping...I hit that nigga like 4 times in his power ranger puddy ass chest, I knew that nigga was hurt lol...I caught him off guard and shit..pie ass clown shouldve had his eyes open, now my chest is covered so the rules are you cant hit a person if their chest is covered by their arms..........WELL this asshole hauls off and hits me in the jaw lmaooooooo man I had braids back then too, but on this day I had an afro out..man this nigga knocked the 60's and the 70's out my ass.....I swear to go every got damn thing slowed down in an instant..bruh I had a got damn epiphany..I had a whole damn conversation with myself..it went like this...

Keith: Shawty that care bear ass nigga just rocked you

Keef: Yeah I know dumb ass...I can feel the blood in my mouth

Keith: You know the whole classroom is watching right ? All da hoez just saw you get bombed

Keef: Nigga I know that shit already can you say something useful..some shit thats going to help me in this situation smart ass

Keith: Sure...that big ass nigga just cocked his fist back again, he's about to hit you..

I see this faggot is about to hit me again with his slow swinging ass..but I push him back to break the swing....I blacked out after that I was so fucking angry....I started to punish thiat oversized slow fuck... eventually I punch his up against a wall, this bastard had no where to go..but then the oddest thing happened...it was like he gave up..like he knew hew was getting thrashed..so what he did was he expose himself to my fist and walked to a desk (note I'm still fighting this idiot, I'm literally right behind him following him punching him in the head) this lil bitch sits down on his pussy at the desk...and covers his head....did you think that stopped me from beating his ass? NO....I STOOD RIGHT FUCKING THERE AND POUNDED ON HIS FUCKING HEAD WITH THAWHAWS FOR MINUTES..UNTIL MY FUCKING HANDS WERE BUSTED. Everyone in the class knew the fight was over...matter of fact they thought it was out of hand....I dont know who came and got me off that bitch, but I ended up in my seat...surrounded by 3 other kids until Ms. Shan hungry hippo looking ass came back in the room.

So Ms. Shan comes in the room, and everyone runs back to their seats.....I'm calm...shit I feel good, I done whooped this ol good guy looking nigga ass and I got away with it...I git the most devilish grin on my face...because this big ass cow in front of the classroom dont know what happen. WELP!!!!!!!!!! That shit didnt last long...guess what dumb ass get up in the middle of homeroom announcements and comes to my desk..GUESS WHO...JUST GUESS!!!!.....This dickhead Josh...This bitch nigga in front of me crying and shit with blood and boogers sliding down his face...looking like one of them snitching faggots on the first 48...FUCK IT DEN! I jump up...I'm like MOTHAFUCKA!!!! I swing on him lol...but the shit was broken up before it could even start again. I got in trouble...assholes gave me 5 days suspension..my mom found out I was barely passing and made me cut my hair and shit -_______________- had ehbody calling me PEANUT HEAD KEEF!..Yeah I won, but I still took an L.

So yeah the morale of this story is...if you one of these drumline band geek, bible carrying assholes....DONT TRY ME WITH THE FUCKBOISM, you not getting any strikes off me bitch...I'm not the pope, I'm not the pastor, bitch I damn sure aint a priest because I dont like lil boys, and bitch I sure as hell aint a monk because I love pussy and xbox too much....bitch I'll baptize you in fist of fucking thawhaw fury...stay in your place