DONT GO TO SLEEP

OK this is not really one story more like a series of stories...back when I was in middle school/early high school my cousins and I use to pull pranks on each other whenever we slept over at each other crib....now of course you got prank when you went to sleep...the objective was to be the last one to fall asleep this shit happened every weekend, but a few stuck out that I remember so here we go


The Mouth Pump

this was invented be me and my cousin Amo, one night his brother D had went to sleep first lol...nigga had his mouth wide the fuck open snoring....I'm like aye this nigga need to shut the fuck before I hold his nose and cover his mouth and kill him....he was sleeping on this air mattress we had and I got this idea I went into the closet and got the mattress air pump...so I tell Amo aye we bout to turn this nigga into a Macys Christmas day parade balloon float....so this nigga ama put the tube in that nigga mouth (AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) Im standing here biting my tshirt through laughter...I mean this mothafucka got a fucking tube in his mouth AND IS STILL SLEEP..so after Amo get done....i jump on the air pump like 6 times....LMFAOOOOOOO I SWEAR TO GOD CUH I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!!!...that nigga looked like he was having a seizure or heart attack on some fred sanford type shit........of course we dipped off down stairs LOL...the nigga went back to sleep...we did that shit like 5 times to him through out the night the nigga was pissed lmao

Clogged up face

So one weekend I fucked around and went to sleep early....these niggas thought it would be good to do that fucking air mattress pump prank on me...but i dont sleep with my mouth open so they put the shit up my nose -___________- I was fucking mad I wanted to fucking FIGHT!!! BUT!!! like a dumb ass I went back to sleep and they did that shit again -_____________-. So the next morning I wake up early I take my piss, I dip the plunger in the toilet...put the plunger right in front of D face and yelled out loud...the nigga face jumped right in the plunger lmaooo


Initials

Once again somebody fall alseep, who is it this time ? Amo lmaoo who are the pranksters Vey and me...so we go to the fridge and pull out nothing but condiments (ketchup mustard and mayo) so we go into the room and I'm like fuck this shit lets write out initials in this nigga hair so we do it....the next morning this nigga AMo wakes up and want to joke um like "boy dont do it with ya head tagged up like a harlem subway" this nigga is like what? I keep joking " boy keep talking and ill make a whopper jr out ya head nigga" so of course somebody snitch and tell him what we did after he sees it of course lmaoo...by that time I dipped to vey house ( who stayed up the street )lmao

The Hitler

So one night at my crib I tell this nigga Amo that D was muscle behind him getting mummified in his sleep a few weeks back....so he like for real ? I'm like hell yeah nigga..so he looks at me and say " You know what a Hitler is ?" of course I'm like fuck no...so hes like ill show you....so he digs in to his pants......I'm like " AYE NIGGA I LIKE PUSSY,ain with this gay shit" so I see this nigga digging in his ass scratching like he aint wipe his ass after taking 60 kabilliontrillionzillion shits....im like "Bruh wtf you aint wipe your ass after a shit...we got tissue shawty you can go wipe your ass"...thats when I realized what he was about to do....IT ALL CLICKED IN MY HEAD WHAT HE WAS ABOUT TO DO.....the nigga took his shitty hand with butt crust dookie crumbs on it and wiped it across his brother upper lip and TEETH...I was like WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF X LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOX GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS all I could do was lol....from that day forward I slept in my moms room with the door locked whenever them niggas came to my crib....and when I went over their crib I stayed awake till day light

The 1st Time

This is one of my more embarrassing stories, but hey this is what this blog is for right ??!! So Fuck it DICK SLANG!!! lets get this show on the road.

The History of Horny
Ok listen since I was birth all I ever wanted to do was get some pussy, shit when i was 3 I discovered what titties were...when my sisters had sleep overs house would be filled with girls, I swear the shit was like Christmas...I use to wait outside the bathroom while they took showers...as soon as they came out in them towels i was on the hunt for BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!! I mean im only 3 my sisters are 7-8 years older than me so their friends had some good boobies oh and thighs DEM MOTHAFUCKING THIGHS...but yeah i was mannish...you get the picture

The 1st time

Aight so I was talking to this girl name Tee, I was 12 she was like what ?? 15, 16 shit one of them numbers all I know is I was on some playa shit... AKA YOUNG BAWSE... AKA YOUNG WILD NIGGA... AKA YOUNG STAMINA.... AKA YOUNG CROOKED.... AKA GIVE ME SOME PUSSY... AKA POP DAT PUSSY FOR A YOUNG GOON HOE (SHOUT TO ADAM) ....but yeah tho she stayed to apartments down from me and shit, so i use to be at her crib all the time we actually dated, but a nigga only made it making out and getting my dick jacked. Of course i got tired of this hoe you aint putting out well as Moo Moo say "FUCK YOU DEN HOE" so I canceled that hoe, but the wierdest shit happened...a week later i walk past her crib and she called me over and hit a nigga with the "I WANNA FUCK YOU" line..I was like (Scooby doo voice) RUH? lol a nigga was happy as fuck like hellz yeah BURRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! So she like come by the tomorrow im like cool!!!!

Tomorrow!

So its tomorrow and we up in her room im ass naked in socks ready to do this shit!!!...This hoe scared to get naked she got on her skirt with no panties on..didnt make me none hell I just wanted the pussy.....

complicated -_______-

OKKKKKKKKKKKK the first problem...this broad is tight as fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!! I swear this shit takes at least 30 minutes to get in....The second problem...The broad talking about she keep getting dry, IM 12 bitch I dont know what the fuck you tombout, you better get moist or get ripped to shreds got damn it cuz um ready to dick slang..The third problem, THIS BITCH COOCH WAS SO FUCKING HAIRY, her shit looked like a grizzly bear paw just gross...but im horny and im a virgin so fuck it!!!!!!!!!!

WTF IS THAT SMELL
So we finally fucking in missionary of course....and this stench comes comes out of no where...im thinking to myself as I keep a poker face "do pussy suppose to smell like this???? if so I might become a monk and say the hell with pussy" I mean really Im just like got damn let me hurry the fuck up so I can have a meeting with the old heads (a group of older niggas) I gotta tell them about this SHIT! So I hurry up and finish...go to the bathroom and take the condom off..too bad I wasnt over the toilet because that man goo just spilled all over the floor it made a loud splat noise too like them nickelodeon gak commercials lol..I left it there and dipped, fuck her house with yo dick nigga !
The Talk
So its like 10 at night Im outside chilling in the cut talking to jimmy and Emanuel about what happened....so Im like shawty the bitch Tee stank I fucked...this bitch made Emanuel like "you aint fuck shit you lying" Im looking at this nigga like "bruh first off you 17, fat with feet arthritis...have you even smelled a pussy let alone fuck one..you a borderline pedo stfu ( I was about that life at 12) " So Jimmy is like "I believe keith, because the same thing happened when I was about to fuck her sister (toya)" So Im like do pussy suppose to smell like that ??? Jimmy responds "FUCK NO STUPID MOTHAFUCKA" lol

I told everybody
Now look niggas been wanting fuck Tee for the longest and I did it and the shit was a fail, why not tell??? I fucking told everybody she was FUN-K ain give a damn...bitch clean ya pussy and might have kept my mouth close ( NO IM LYING I STILL WOULD'VE BRAGGED) she was heated...but what could she do tho?? AKA YOUNG BAWSE NIGGA... AKA I GOT DEM FUNKY DRAWS..AKA KEEP YA FUNKY PUSSY TO YASELF CUZ A GOON DONT WONT YOU TO POP IT!!!




Back story

My best friend big mike obvsiouly didnt learn a lesson from my story so...8 years later he fucked TEE and called me up like( his first words) "bruh you were right" im like wtf you talking about nigga...."I fucked tee" I bust out LOL.....



fuck you funky hoes im out

AGTheKid I Know How To Destroy You

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! my blog/twitter rival/nemesis is named AMP GREEN and I have the LIST TO DESTROY HIM...it's short but it will work


DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!


1. Send him a youtube vid of Super Mario getting his fucking brains bashed in with a tiny hammer

2. Invite him over to your crib....invite nas.....break nas fucking legs in Agthekids face. Amp will cry OH HE WILL FUCKING CRY ALRIGHT!!!

3. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST!!!!! Set up a hell in the cell 2 on 1 match with Amp vs Wale x Charles Hamilton....oh and Amp hands are tied up......watch him get the shit beat out of him!

THE MOO MOO ENCOUNTER

Okay this isn't a story more so of a bio/short story about this bad ass kid named moo moo...so here we go



Ok this lil nigga moo moo was born in like 97 I think..so he would be what 13 now i guess, I hope to god that lil mothafucka is in school or locked in a basement some where. Yeah tho back to this nigga story, I think it was about year 2000 when this lil rat bastard starting speaking fluent ebonics/coonglish...

(AYE YOUNG KEITHAHUNDRED I WAS 11 )One day I'm walking with my homeboy through the apartments and shit you know doing what niggas about that life do, and I see Moo Moo rolling up on his big wheel..(now note moo moo knows me, my sister use to babysit this nigga) so im like "whats up moo moo" this lil nigga just sit there and mugs the shit out of me...if he had an Uzi I wouldn't be here right now, so Moo Moo says "Fuck nigga you in the way move yo pussy ass to the side and let me roll through" now I see he was with some little girl so assumed Moo Moo was putting on a front trying to stunt on me....so Im like "Who the fuck you suppose to be bruh" Moo Moo reply "The lil nigga thats gone whoop yo fucking ass" Me "You aint gone do shit, you a fucking bitch Moo Moo" Moo Moo " Naw nigga you fucking pussy" Me "Nigga fuck you, hop yo ass off that big wheel shawty and ima lay you the fuck out in front of ya girl" Moo Moo " FUCK THAT BITCH, nigga and fuck you too and ya fat ass pussy homeboy" ME "MOTHAFUCKA YOU PUSSY, FUCK YOU SAYING ILL KNOCK ALL 5 OF YOUR TEETH OUT" MOO MOO " ENOUGH OF DAT TALK KEEF IF I GET OFF THIS BIG WHEEL IM DOIN YA PUSSY ASS" ME "YOU GET YO LIL INFANT ASS OFF THAT BIG WHEEL AND IMA BREAK YO FUCKING LEGS...YOU AINT MOO MOO YOU A PUSSMOO NIGGA"....why did I say that, before i knew it this lil nigga was off the damn big wheel attacking my legs...um like oh SHIT!!!! get this lil barracuda off me...after like 2 minutes he gets tired...I look around to make sure his mom aint around...I pick his big wheel up(note this nigga is still attacking) I launch that shit in the street....then I pick his punk ass up and lex luger torture rack his ass for a good 2 minutes till he cry....I let him go, but just like Moo Moo he has to have the last word..so he yells "NIGGA FUCK YOU , WHEN I COME BACK IM SHOOTIN FUCK BOY" ME "ITS WHATEVER BITCH MADE NIGGA" MOO MOO "WE GONE SEE BITCH" ME "WE'LL SEE MOTHAFUCKA"


That shit went on everyday until, our projects got bulldozed in 2002

If you reading this Moo Moo FUCK YOU NIGGA...AND YOU DEAD WHEN I SEE YO PUSSY ASS!!!!!

BRICK TO THE FOREHEAD

THIS WILL BE A SHORT STORY!

Ok yall im about to take yall wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy back AGAIN when i was just a lil shawty blowing snot out my nose ( that shit sounded nasty as fuck) this story is a pre-school story just like the barney story.......this time the scene is on the playground.....here we gooooooooooo!!!!!

Recess

So its noon and we just got up from our nap....so of course its time for recess, every toddlers dream when they're locked down in school. So we are outside, some kids are playing on the sliding board, some are shooting hoops on the fisher price goal, and some are of course running around like fucking idiots....back to me tho....back to the sliding board...here I am standing a good distance from the sliding board. I see Amber Grace ( country fucking name FTL...she had a raspy voice even as a kid) so she is climbing the sliding board and I'm standing here with this brick in my damn hand....now I'm thinking to myself do i have the strength/accuracy to knock this bitch up side her head.....only one way to find out.........I throw the damn brick and what do you know WE HAVE OURSELVES A YOUNG TOM BRADY. That shit hit her right on the forehead i could see the blood/brick skid mark on her forehead. Of course she cried loud as fuck even louder than that "best cry" youtube video......everyone on the playground fucking told on me......i was in some deep shit.....you know i didn't think not once about getting in trouble smh...oh well here we go its too late now

The Punishment

Man Mrs. Jones (one of the teachers) snatch my ass up so fucking quick...I know i was fucking dead.....we get inside the school and I see her fucking with the blinds...she is taking the stick off the fucking blinds( you know that shit was composed of some of the most hardest plastic) man she wrapped THAT STICK AROUND MY ASS i mean literally that plastic stick was bending around my body every hit....them hits was quick as hell too i mean her arm had to be doing at least 100 mph in 25 mph school zone......she had me by one arm doing work on that ass whooping....shit had to last at least 5 minutes because she was breathing hard as fuck man.

The Results

Well i got my ass whooped, but the scar i left on Amber's forehead was rewarding....moral of this story....if you believe it you can achieve it BURR!(shout out to kneesh)

GAT DAMN BARNEY STORY

OK so we all remember the hit tv show Barney right ? Don't front either mothafucka because we all know in pre-school that was our shit. Well I'm going to tell you a story about this son of a bitch barney the dinosaur ( he was a dinosaur right ?)

My little scholars Christian academy was the scene of this catastrophe. I hated this gat damn school...they use to whoop our ass with drum sticks and shit ( that's another story ill tell yall about) but yeah tho back to story...so it was one of the kids birthday party, i cant recall the name ion know think the damn girl name was Amber Grace(damn girl looked like a fraggle rock) some country shit like that ion know shit.....but yeah though so its the end of the day and we having the birthday party you know just having fun, so Mrs. Lee ( this big ass cow-a-saurus was every bit of 5'11 with an old outdated french roll and a chin strap beard thicker than ricky rawseeeeeee himself) directed us to the eating area( shit was a damn kitchen stupid ass school wasn't shit but a shotgun house smh) so we sitting down and they bring in the cake, but before they cut the damn cake they tell us to close our eyes, talking about a fucking surprise and shit....so of course we do close our eyes....and 5 seconds later we open them and ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS A FUCKING GIGANTIC PURPLE DINOSAUR IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN!!!!!!!!! It was like a chain reaction of how the kids reacted....some were crying and I'm not talking about regular crying I'm talking about the kind where they yell and take a deep breath to yell some more.....others broke out running, some hid under tables, ME well I stood there in shock hell.....this fucker Barney is sitting there singing pedo shit like " I love you" on tv it sounded like a jolly voice in person it sounded like some possessed demon with a deep voice.....that fool Barney had the nerves to pick up one of the babies that damn baby was clawing that nigga like a damn wolverine badger combo.............THE WORST DAY OF MY TODDLER LIFE, well that's if i exclude the episode where my moms dragged me to see the Easter bunny.

END!

THE GOODWILL STORY

So look we all know what is like going to school on the first day in fresh gear, oooooooo shit we be up till 4 am in the morning with the outfit laid out....shittt we even have the kicks laid out on top of the bed....we be thinking to ourselves " OMG IM GONE HURT EM TOMORROW. Yeah thats how it suppose to be.......This Story is different

SCHOOL SHOPPING

So im at my cousin's crib (Ama, Joe, David), this is a week before school they are suppose to go shopping with their dad (J-dub aka johnny they call him J-dub because he's a cop, which they hate) So these niggas sitting up bragging and shit about how they going to be fresher than me (note I havent went shopping yet) so im like nigga whatever yall buck mouth mouthafuckas need to invest that school money into a damn barrier for the, buck ass teeth. So after like 30 minutes of talking to these barraka off springs J-dub arrives...he like I can tag along if I want so im like cool, I suppose I can see what the competition will be copping for school.

SIDE NOTE

I had to add this part lol. The whole time we riding in the car im looking at J-dub's bald ass head.
The back of his head had this slit by the neck part.....the shit looked like a clitoris....MAN IM TELLING YALL THAT SHIT LOOKED LIKE A WET CUNT (bald head guys be having a lot of grease on they head....on top of that is what hot as hell that day) all i could do was LOL and come up with names about how it looks....."the third hole" " tampon neck" "cuntacular skull"

BACK TO THE STORY

So we riding and we end up in this east point plaza.....so im looking around and im saying to myself they dad must have to meet someone up here.....that changed quickly.....J-dub tells everyone to get out the car and he starts walking in the direction of the GOODWILL....I put my shirt in my mouth and died LOL...the look on these niggas faces where priceless .....so we up in this goodwill this nigga Ama is pissed lol he like "fuck this bruh im not getting shit from here I'll wear some old shit to school......Joe the youngest of the 3 is over here trying on dingy Usher blazers and big ass fabo glasses tombout some "YEAH' lmaooo....now the funniest shit had to be the oldest brother David who was actually walking around goodwill picking shit out like he liked it lmaoooooo shit was hilarious because he had old as wrangler jeans in his hand that looked liked Brett Farve himself had worn in an NFL game lmaoooo this nigga had so much bum shit in his hands I knew this nigga did not like none of that shit..he was just trying to please his father...so after like 20 minutes in GOODWILL J-dub ask them "Yall find anything yall like" all I could think to myself was that this black bald head, 1 Mike Tyson gold tooth ass nigga cant be serious lol............All of them except David says no.........Jdub say "ok lets go" then we leave.

Moral of this story.....dont brag about being fresher than me got dammit