Black Ops and Bitches

Listen man..Me and my patna Chi town Al (he's in the 5 piece story also) use to be out here...wild ass night with bitches, I mean every damn night nigga..Black bitches, Yellow Bitches, Brown bitches, Red bitches.... didn't even matter...we had them..but yeah I slowed down because shit I was starting summer school. I couldn't be up all night fuckin with the ratchets. So this one Thursday I get home around 7pm...nigga.....I had to study...nigga...I was tired...nigga...I wanted to play black ops...nigga..but yall dont hear me tho. This fool call me..conversation go like this...wait before I get into the conversation, know this. I answer the phone angry with a dry voice when every one call me..I don't give a damn, I don't like talking...on with the conversation.

Al: G

Me: Nigga what

Al: Aye don't talk to me like that joe

Me: Nigga fuck you...this my damn phone

Al: Yeah I bet if I beat yo damn ass...it'll be my phone

Me; Man what you want shit cuz ain bout to play these fucking games

Al: I got a new hoe...Me and Mon bout to bring her through the crib...break her ass in

Me: ok...Lol..fuck that got to do with me

Al: Cuz we all bout to fuck her nigga

Me: Ain doing shit, I'm bout to study and play this damn back ops

Al: yeah aight we'll see...I'm on the way

Me: whatever

Funny how I can remember detailed conversations like that but barely can remember people names...


Mon

This fool arrive with Mon dumb old ass...I swear this nigga had to be like 33.. Cali ass nigga..this nigga use to rock braids with beads in his fucking head dawg, them shit aint have no hang time..nigga use to put like 3 beads on each braid..the last bead would be hanging above his earlobe...Me and this fool Al wasnt shit but 21 and 24..I remember this old ass nigga Mon said " I can't sleep alone Cuz" bruh lmaooooo me an Al clowned the shit outta this nigga...fuck you mean you cant sleep alone...you ol soap opera ass nigga...you a sound like a mothafuckin bitch. Fuck this nigga was talking about man

So yeah they come in..I'm playing black ops..I don't pay them any mind..Al come in my room and is like " We bout to train this bitch", I'm like naw YALL bout to train that bitch..nigga im tired and I'm playing this game...this nigga Al, "Nigga you sound Bitch made right now"...I say whatever..go back to playing the game..nigga was making me angry...he gets up and leave and go back into the living room..I hear him talking "Bitch take them clothes, lets get this shit crackin..and shake that ass some"...I hear her say " Aight Fame..its whatever"...I cut my tv down to mute bruh...look..I'm a creep...I wanted to hear some shit lmao..................................................Like that broad moaning and shit

The Action

This nigga put on Gucci mane "Im a dog" LOL...I just hear them loud mafuckas yelling "ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"...My curiosity got the best of me...I get up and go in the damn living room...this red ass bitch is on the sofa just shaking her ass dawg....NAKID...now my first thought is...we sit on this sofa everyday and this fool got this hoe poppin pussy on the sofa arm rest..ON THE FUCKING ARM REST BRUH....Ignore it....so then she just start playing with herself....I'm like "aye..tell this bitch to get on the floor bruh" I dont want my mama coming to visit and the entire sofa smell like ovaries and cervix juice ...he tell her and she do it...still playing with herself..bent OVER...in DOGGYSTYLE....I dont know what came over me but I had the urge to smack her ass...it was a big ass bruh...I had to do it for eastpoint and the entire zone 3...

The ass smack

I remember this scene from National Security where Martin smacks this bitch ass with Two hands and yell...IS THIS A THONG...look man I'm notorious for acting out shit in movies and videos...I smack the hell outta them Yellow booty butt cheeks and yell...WHAT IS THIS...WHAT IS IN THIS ASS..I just started rubbing her butt in a circle motion..SLAPPIN DAT ass up ...this fool Al is dying laughing...but wait there's more

Budlight fountain
So we go get the beer out the fridge..this guy Al...wild guy....he pours the entire can of beer down her ass crack......we just started pouring beer all down her butt crack bruh...beer dripping down her crack..on some stone cold steve austin type shit...turned that pussy into a damn keg

Byt this time I'm like aight I done had my fun..I got back to my room and play the game...10 minutes later Al come to my room and sit down and say "G...Mon is in the living room making love to this hoe", I'm like nigga you lying..."g on the boss he in there right now...making love...he aint fucking her..he in there making love" I started laughing my ass off man..I get up and go in the living room....and here is Mon and this bitch in the middle of my floor making love....this nigga making love to a fucking whore...in the middle of my living room floor...I go back in the room...I'm like yeahhhhhh..that nigga in there making love to her like its his honey moon...I play like 5 games of team death match...thats almost 50 minutes when you do the math...this bitch is yelling like a fucking rooster....I get up and go to the living room like..aye...nigga its been like a damn hour...get this bitch up outta here..fuck you think you is..spokes person for Viagra ??? yall got this mothafucka smelling like ass and salvation army..yall gotta leave.


Only thing I regret from the night is not sliding my student id card down that broad ass crack...still on my bucket list...

and if you wondering about the sofa and carpet after the beer fest...I moved to another apartment, left that shit.

The Train Volume 1

So this is something new I'm doing for my blog...Atl by far got the craziest people in the world that rides the train...no lie something crazy is always going on...so I ot my lil photography going on now...and well lets fucking get it to it shit!

Look what we have here people...WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON HERE HEAD!!!!!!

Shawty I just dont know...this bitch went and got a pitch fork and covered it in a 2 dollar yaki.....what is this !!!??? The sears tower of lacefronts ??? OMG OMG look at the sides bruh....I know right...WHAT SIDES!!?? Man this bitch rocking a bald fade pone tail...aint never seen a bowl cut mixed with an up do...Oh ok, I see what happened to shawty sides...while she was struggling to put that Haitian refugee weave in a pony tail..her sides disintegrated..leaving her with 3rd degree welfare burns....Bitch looking like Blade after he missed a few barbershop trips..Billy Blanks with a matted up durag looking ass bitch...I bet this bitch hair smell like foodstamps, and W2 tax returns...I know it do got dammit

Fuck it let me get her ass out of here

Bitch head lookin like a dirty shank

Bitch head lookin like a rusty kitchen knife set

Bitch head look like the Eiffel Tower covered in walrus booboo

Bitch head look like a used rooster uterus

Bitch head looking like she use commode seat crud for weave glue

Bitch head looking like a flat head screw driver

Bitch head look like a muddy weed wacker

Bitch sides looking like an African kids stomach.....empty

Bitch sides is vacant

Bitch sides was plagued with an STD... S.ideless T.o D.eath

Bitch sides look like a naked welcome mat

Bitch sides so lil, she get her split ends cut with a toe nail clipper

Bitch gotta use Wd40 and motor oil just to grease that nappy ass scalp

bitch sold her sides for a nickel bag of pickle juice

Bitch hair so nappy she comb that shit with a stapler gun

Bitch Scalp so bald she use paper clips to hold her weave shank at the top of her head

Bitch hair so nappy her eyes turn blood shot red every time she combs it

Bitch hair so nappy kittens use that shit as scratching post

Bitch hair so nappy she get her edges laid down with gorilla glue

Man my dick so flaccid right now bruh looking at this woman...I'm out... enjoy...more to come

THE GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE LIST

Now listen..yall know I dont have the best of luck with women...reason why ? I DONT FUCKING KNOW...if I knew...my lonely ass would have a GF by now and she would last more than a GOT DAMN YEAR!!!! but yeah back on subject...let me break this down to yall about me...women!

What I Want!

Yall call me picky, stuck up, shallow or whatever the holy hell you birds want to...but listen..I dont talk to ugly dusty feet looking scabs..straight up I refuse to be that one bum nigga in the mall trailing behind that Raspushia costume wearing bitch...naw not even hoe...yall aint trapping me! a young PimpAsaures like me need something fine, something soft, something with a big ass and lickable (yeah I know that aint a word..so fuck you) thighs got dammit..and if that aint clear enough for ya...well I made a list for you hoes..here it go!

The List

1. If you got 800 smiling faces in your thighs from all them thigh dimples...bitch..your ass is out of here..I weigh 155 and peaking at 6 feet....bitch I have no business with you and all 20 of your love handles.what uma do with 40 asses and 20 titties ??? Look if we in the shower and I gotta wash back titties...YOU GOTTA GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE

2. If you look like ya pussy stank...bitch..YOUR TART ASS IS OUT OF HERE.and let me tell you..ain never been wrong about a bitch pussy smelling like public transportation and section 8 housing...you got me all fucked up...you think I'm bout to eat your kitty litter..HA!!!!!!...what you thought you could put some Ax spray down there and I wouldnt smell it...naw...and I bet you have on leggings...out here smelling like goodwill and crackhouse

3. I can smell your hot ass douche bag breath after you tried to shield it behind bubble gum lip gloss...your ass is out of here...fuck you think I like to smell bubblelicious and ass...fuck no...stank breath skank..a nigga will kiss you and taste vomit flavored fruit roll ups...if ya breath stank ya pussy stank...and you know YOUR ASS IS OUT OF HERE..breath tasting like fruit snacks and poverty

4. You got that one crusty ass pinky toe with the toe nail looking like run down cheap carpet...your dusty feet ass is out of here...bitch got a frosted flake on her toe nail tolmbout fresh Pedicure...bitch plahhhhhseeeeeeeeee...bitches be getting pedicures by a plummer these days....toes all dingy and black looking like you house roaches inside them...YEAH YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE

5. If your pony tail is the size of a tshirt tag....YOUR ASS IS OUT OF HERE..bitch you might as well get a durag, brush, and some sports waves grease..bald head ass...hoe pone tail looking like rabbit foot key chain...bitch you aint bringing no good luck to me look like a recovering cancer patient...bitch dont even use rubber bands....she use that wrapper that comes on a loaf of bread lmaoooooooooooooooo....shawty be so bald headed the first time she tried to put that thin ass hair in a pone tail she had to get stitches on her hairline....shawty hair so damn lil and poor when she get it in a pone tail her face cant move...bitch be having a botox effect...If ya eyebrows came off because you had to force that lil ass hair in a pone tail...YOUR ASS IS OUT OF HERE

6. If you got a huge gap in your mouth (now look I know I gotta gap...but um sexy so fuck up) bitch your ass is out of here...I dont play that spatula mouth shit AKA gapula...if I you can suck my dick through your gap...hoe we aint compatible...mondo gap looking scab..ol got damn behind my lips its a secret door called a GAP looking ass bitch...bitch dont eem open here mouth to breath bruh...she sucking air in through her gap.. Michael Strahan looking hoe

7. No ass=your pussy stank and you gotta getcho ass up out of here...what I look like using your bare back ass as a foot stool...bitch ass be so flat she need handle bars to hold her underwear up...bitch ass so flat her thongs got handicap stickers in them...bitch ass be so flat niggas buy her tall tees because they consider her ass apart of her back...bitch ass so flat niggas was boogy boarding on it during the freaknik 98...bitch ass so flat when she sit down on the sofa she slides on the floor..bitch ass so flat nigga gotta put on 3d glasses when he hit from the back..Ass like these new bag of potato chips....all air and half empty...flat screen booty having scab...is LCD or LED...which one ? bitch I need HDMI cables to even see that ass

8. If you built like a jar of playdough...BITCH YOUR ASS IS OUT OF HERE...who you think I am...fucking Picasso ? I cant fix you..no way in hell...looking like the fucking blob...if your stomach spilling over your belt...aye...getcho ass out of here bitch stomach spilling over like a cup filled to the brim...muffin top ass how your body look like a mushroom...bitch torso look like an open umbrella..ain got time...

9. You got nappy ass hair....Your ass is out of here...if you can cause a drive by shooting by combing your hair..bitch you need to be dead...dont try to cover it up with one of those citi trends lace front...I have no time to look at your zip on hairline..hairline looking like a starter jacket...bitch hair look like a freshly opened shamwow...Shawty try to wash her hair and end up with a million paper cuts on her hands...blood running down her face and shit

10. no hoodrats

That basically sums it up...so if you fall in any of those numbers on this list...well YOUR ASS IS OUT OF HERE..and I dont care about any of yall being mad at my list either...cause yall ugly..and um aint

P.S. GOD PLEASE SEND ME A YOUNG HOT THANG FA DA 2012...even Keef get lonely...if you dont...you know where um at nigga..plotting on yo ass and the Virgin Mary with Lucifer..we will run a train on her nigga if you dont answer my prayers...Pleigh...

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY READERS...AND RIP TO MY AUNT....WE'RE GOING TO MISS YOU DOWN HERE..THESE FEW WEEKS BEEN ROUGH ON MY FATHER AND ME..TAKE CARE

That Awkward Moment of Silence

Ok yall....here we go..lets get something out of the way! Now for those of you that's been here from the jump...since the got damn beginning..KNOW!!!! When I post a blog about my sex life...the shit never goes smooth...welllllllllll of course I'm back with a new story, well its not new shit happened back in 2009 but still this my first time telling it so shut the fuck up bitch and listen...OH what ? You not gone listen ? Well fuck you and ya stank ass mama..bih be coming outside with that lil ass pone tail at the top of her head cause sheen got enough hair in the back to reach the front...hoe head looking like a broken convertible top...bih done gelled the back of her hair all night looking like bo slick and Harriet Tubman...back of the hoe head ashy hard and crusty, like Nigerian feet...bitch I know you...you the lil long fruit roll up titty having hoe that was trying to be candy lady for a day and ended up giving away all ya candy for nickel bags of crack scrapings....

WOAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I see i got distracted lol...back to the story

The Web

So yeah, I had just got back to Atlanta and out of a relationship..so of course I'm back on my Lion Boy SHIT! I'm looking for a bitch I can dump dis dick off in ya know trying to get my lap wet with a few lonely raindrops...my car was out of commission so I couldn't roam the jungles of Atlanta like I wanted to...sooooo I go to this old ass website ( yes a website...real players know...when youre not mobile you hit them internet streets and Google the pussy)..TAGGED.COM! Yall know that website was the shit in high school, IDK why I went on this specific website but I did...so I see this Jamaican chick with this bad ass body....no lie shawty was like Keish from belly...had me like 0_0......so I hit her with go to Niketalk Myspace line "can I borrow you" lmaoooooooo yall know that shit worked like a charm..I got the digits and everything...I hit shawty up ASAP...we chop it up....of course I invite her over the next day...

THE CRIB

So Shawty catch the bus to my house....she get off and she got on these damn black leggings walking all stank and bowlegged ...thighs and ass flying ehwhere..I swear to god...In my mind I'm like..."God You know im bout to TEAR THIS CURRY CHICKEN ASS UP!!!!!!! GIVE ME THE STRENGTH OF 1000000 GOLIATHS...I SWEAR IM FUCK THE RASTA OUT THIS HOE", we make it back to my crib and I put a movie on and shit....I forget what it was, I mean I wasnt paying attention no way...hell she didnt even sit down on the couch, she put all of that hamhock ass in my lap....my face is like this -----> ^_^ lmao...yall got to understand...I was in a slump after My ex and I had broke up...I wasnt chasing any YAMPS just chilling and being miserable..so of course I wasnt getting any pussy...my dick was dry as them hoes asses who don't put lotion on their butt crack during the winter...hoe ass crack be so dry she gotta get a metal foot scrubber to get the dirty ashy ass flakes off her butt...but yeah...I was horny as hell...and my dick was ready to put that broads walls into ICU( INTENSIVE COOCHIE UNIT)...so I say fuck this movie lets go to my room...she like cool...hell before I got to the room that broad was giving me the sloppiest blow occupation I ever had dawg....spit flying ehwhere...I mean this yamp was good...look if I had been uncircumcised she would sucked the extra meat off and it would've been a pleasant circumcision...so after like 10 minutes...I'm like strip..I'm ready to pound her....I'm looking like a LION BOY...I done stripped ass naked...just so my clothes wouldnt hinder my agile speed and power in my stroke...I tie my hair back AKA MY LION BOY MANE.....and I'm ready to FUCK!....So she strips naked and say "Fuck me from the back"...I'm like "bitch what you think I was going to do in the first place ? fuck you face to face ?" ...So she turns over and get into that real doggy style position...FELLAS YALL KNOW WHAT IM SAYING!!!!!!!! Face down Pussy and ass up type shit...not like how them ol weak ass hoes be...you know putting that hump in they back being scary...bitches be in the Quasimodo position looking like retards...tombout doggy style...yeah right scab...you look like you got scoliosis...bitch is yo spine crooked ? Assume the damn position then you got damn hunchback. But yeah so she's ready...I put that magnum on...and its on...

WHAT IN DA DAMN HELL

I'm thinking I'm about to slide this crooked pussy burglar inside this hoe with ease...yeahhhhh righttttttttt!!!!!!!!! I got maybe half of my head in, and she started running up the damn headboard...I'm like what the hell is wrong...shes like "NO THAT SHIT HURTS LIKE HELL...WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR DICK?"...I'm like whats wrong with your pussy ? She like "No something is really wrong with your dick...its too big for me...and is it curves..no..we cant do this" I'm like...Mi dick is not to big...your pussy is too small dammit......so she says holup...give her a few minutes...I'm like cool....so I'm laying in my bed ass naked...looking at my dick go from super erect....to flaccid as fuck....5 minutes pass by...10 minutes pass by...15 minutes pass by..20 minutes pass by...I'm raging mad...so I say...

HEY...GET THE FUCK UP...AND GET THE FUCK OUT...FUCK YOU THINK THIS IS A REST STOP FOR COOCHIE ? A FUCKING SHELTERED FOR BATTERED AND ABUSED UTERUS..YOU DONE LOST YOUR MIND TRYING ME LIKE A FUCKING LAME..GETCHO BLACK ASS OUT OF MY HOUSE...AND I BETTER NO EVER SEE YA ASS ON THIS STREET AGAIN....GOOD LUCK WALKING DOWN THE STREET BY YOURSELF HOE..BEEF PATTY ASS BITCH!

Yeah I know I was harsh....but damn yall...I was just coming out of a very emotional relationship...I wanted some pussy and I wanted right then and there...ya know...I actually seen shawty last year on the bus...she couldn't even look me in the eye lmao

The moral of this story is...well... don't be so tighten up

RIP CHRIS THOMPSON AKA @CHRISIN2D The Guy I never Met

Today I woke up, showered, brushed my teeth and put on my work clothes just like everyone else did, I wasn't expected much from this day, hell I wanted this day to go by fast as possible so I could be with my family on Thursday. I wasn't even planning on logging on twitter to be honest, don't know why but I wasn't...I did anyway and unfortunately I had to find out about losing a close follower, NT fam Chris Thompson better known as @ChrisIn2D on twitter...never in million years if someone would have told me that I would care and be hurt about a guy I never met, you know that's just how I function...I separate my feelings from people I don't know...but with Chris of course it was different, been knowing the guy since 09 and since then Him and I have had a lot of conversations on life....shared a lot of things in common. I guess when you can connect with people on that level you don't have to see them in the physical form to know they're good people, or friend worthy...I was at work when Amp broke the news, I was shocked at how hard it hit me...I just went to the bathroom and just sat there until my shift was over...because I couldn't believe it....I'm no stranger to death, I experience it yearly with my childhood friends...I tell people all the time when subject of "Death" comes up that I should have been dead a minute ago, just off the strength of what my past is....but you know every time it comes around its like a new experience to me...I guess its because I'm 22 and everyone around me is the same age also...it just doesn't seem right for us to die at this age, what have we accomplished at 20, 21, 22 ?I guess its just the things I know the ones we lost like Chris wont have the chance to experience...Kids, meeting that special woman, getting old and watching your kids have kids... that's what hurts the most...I'm not going to turn this into a novel tho...

SO......RIP Chris...sad to know you and I will never have a conversation again, and I'm sorry I couldn't make it down to Florida in time and chop it up with you like we planned for so long....RIP...its love

Also AMP hold your head.

THAT ONE TIME IN 6TH GRADE

First off...Yall hoes better stop rushing me and my damn stories before somebody get they damn uterus slept in by a big crooked ass cock!...

Secondaly shoutout to Paul D. West Middle School...Off in that East Point, whats hannin cuh cuh...folk folk...whats hannin lil Poont Rock...lil Pickle Head...lil Jug Mouth...lil Toe nail clipper...yeah whats hannin!

OK I dont know what the hell I was talking about in that sentence above this, I dont even know who I was shouting out, but yeah lets get on with this story yall lol!

HISTORY!

Ok this story is about this fuck boi Joshua Smith and the fight we had in Ms. Shan homeroom class at paul d. west, but before I get into all that lets do a background check on this hoe nigga. Now Josh and I go back to elementary, Conley Hills elementary to be exact...this guy was the biggest weakest kid in school..fucking care bear ass nigga...straight up, bruh couldve been "Bitch Bear" if you touched this bum he would start crying like a hoe on her period that left her tampons..now she gotta be all bloody for a whole damn week, because her stupid ass went on a camping trip, but yeah back to the fuck boi matter at hand, dude was heart was fucking flaccid, church going, band geek drumline hoe nigga...shawty was soft as freshly made Easter peeps...history lesson done.

Interlude

Now look I always been skinny, always...but listen here BITCH! My dick been big, and been crooked and ready fuck since the age of four...Now I know yall like what does this have to do with the story Keith...Shut up cunt slabs and let me tell you. I was born with all these weapons for the hoes because my Father KEITH CHANDLER SR! WAS A FUCKING THOROUGH ASS NIGGA...meaning bitch blood dont pump here...he took up boxing since he was a kid...so of course he taught me how to square up and bless niggas with THAWHAW power and anger. That means dont try me..I will knock you the hell out, then occupy your hoe, mother, sister, aunts, hell even ya dead grandma uterus and make them hoes come alive again. My point is when it comes to actually throwing hands, size dont matter...but brains do...let the story begin.

Homeroom Open Chest

So its 8am class havent started yet, teacher aint made it in yet with her fat stank breath, wet armpit having ass, but yeah we in this classroom horsing around and shit like young gangstas do! So my Patna dem toine suggest we play open chest, I'm like hell yeah nigga lets go ain no fuck boi lets play. So I'm walk around class with my chest covered and shit looking for a fool to punch and I see this bum nigga josh slipping...I hit that nigga like 4 times in his power ranger puddy ass chest, I knew that nigga was hurt lol...I caught him off guard and shit..pie ass clown shouldve had his eyes open, now my chest is covered so the rules are you cant hit a person if their chest is covered by their arms..........WELL this asshole hauls off and hits me in the jaw lmaooooooo man I had braids back then too, but on this day I had an afro out..man this nigga knocked the 60's and the 70's out my ass.....I swear to go every got damn thing slowed down in an instant..bruh I had a got damn epiphany..I had a whole damn conversation with myself..it went like this...

Keith: Shawty that care bear ass nigga just rocked you

Keef: Yeah I know dumb ass...I can feel the blood in my mouth

Keith: You know the whole classroom is watching right ? All da hoez just saw you get bombed

Keef: Nigga I know that shit already can you say something useful..some shit thats going to help me in this situation smart ass

Keith: Sure...that big ass nigga just cocked his fist back again, he's about to hit you..

I see this faggot is about to hit me again with his slow swinging ass..but I push him back to break the swing....I blacked out after that I was so fucking angry....I started to punish thiat oversized slow fuck... eventually I punch his up against a wall, this bastard had no where to go..but then the oddest thing happened...it was like he gave up..like he knew hew was getting thrashed..so what he did was he expose himself to my fist and walked to a desk (note I'm still fighting this idiot, I'm literally right behind him following him punching him in the head) this lil bitch sits down on his pussy at the desk...and covers his head....did you think that stopped me from beating his ass? NO....I STOOD RIGHT FUCKING THERE AND POUNDED ON HIS FUCKING HEAD WITH THAWHAWS FOR MINUTES..UNTIL MY FUCKING HANDS WERE BUSTED. Everyone in the class knew the fight was over...matter of fact they thought it was out of hand....I dont know who came and got me off that bitch, but I ended up in my seat...surrounded by 3 other kids until Ms. Shan hungry hippo looking ass came back in the room.

So Ms. Shan comes in the room, and everyone runs back to their seats.....I'm calm...shit I feel good, I done whooped this ol good guy looking nigga ass and I got away with it...I git the most devilish grin on my face...because this big ass cow in front of the classroom dont know what happen. WELP!!!!!!!!!! That shit didnt last long...guess what dumb ass get up in the middle of homeroom announcements and comes to my desk..GUESS WHO...JUST GUESS!!!!.....This dickhead Josh...This bitch nigga in front of me crying and shit with blood and boogers sliding down his face...looking like one of them snitching faggots on the first 48...FUCK IT DEN! I jump up...I'm like MOTHAFUCKA!!!! I swing on him lol...but the shit was broken up before it could even start again. I got in trouble...assholes gave me 5 days suspension..my mom found out I was barely passing and made me cut my hair and shit -_______________- had ehbody calling me PEANUT HEAD KEEF!..Yeah I won, but I still took an L.

So yeah the morale of this story is...if you one of these drumline band geek, bible carrying assholes....DONT TRY ME WITH THE FUCKBOISM, you not getting any strikes off me bitch...I'm not the pope, I'm not the pastor, bitch I damn sure aint a priest because I dont like lil boys, and bitch I sure as hell aint a monk because I love pussy and xbox too much....bitch I'll baptize you in fist of fucking thawhaw fury...stay in your place

FAMILY FEUD!

Ok yeah I have been gone from this blog for a long time, but I'm back now and I promise I will update more often...but yeah back to business bitches!

The Family Fued!

So yeah man yall know how it is in the hood, your punk ass walking down street one day and BOOM! A fuck boi run up on you with them THAWHAWS now you on the ground bleeding like a lil hoe...crying because you got ya weak ass knocked out... because you thought this was Mr. Rogers neighborhood..pussy nigga your head was in the clouds and you was chewing bubblicious like a faggot, and some random GoonAHolic splatted yo pussy ass to the concrete...yeah! Ok let me stop its not like that, but this story I'm about to tell you is some what simliar...I'm lying my ass this story dont got shit to do with that little scenario I just nutted in yall brain..but here we go.

She Bust Her Ass

So its a normal day out here in CreekSide Apartments I'm walking around the hood and what do you know....I stumble upon two scab hoes arguing of some shit that doesnt matter...one of the girls was name Maddy...she was so fucking bald headed man...and skinny with these cigarette burn mark spots running up here legs...hoe had the nerve to wear some daisy dukes that day...Bitch was looking like a cheap ass metro phone wrapped in one of them cheap ass designer phone cases. The other scab was this broad name Shy...man her skin was so fucking black and crunchy...good god she was ugly..this hoe fingers and mouth was always red from eating flaming hot cheetos...bitch looked like Mr. Popo with red lipstick on...I mean this broad looked like Wanda from in loving color.

These two abominations are sitting up here arguing lol, I'm instigating my ass off of course because thats what a young CapoSaures do! But yeah so the black dirt bag shy is popping off on that rancid Maddy broad, and all of a sudden this dumb ass BIH Shy slips and fall in some mud..I mean she was already 3rd world country black, but now she was looking like a doodoo baby. Maddy and I was dying laughing straight up...Shy was so hurt, she looked like a lost puppy for a quick second. So Shy gets mad of course and like all females do when they are mad, she set a bitch calling record on Maddy ass...I never heard that many variations of the word bitch! For real people ain lyin ain lyin " Bald headed bitch, green pussy bitch, yo mama a hoe bitch, section8 bitch!", people as we say today...Shit was getting REAL!!!!...

Welp Shy cussed Maddy ass out all the way to here apartment..ya know these 2 dumb infected hoes stayed in the same apartment building from each other...yeah I know right...stupid! So they arguing and shit and by this time the parents and siblings come outside, now I'm thinking these 2 welfare families are going to work it out...yeah aight....nooooooooooo the mamas get to fighting..old rocking chair titties flying eh where and shit..it was crazy...you got Maddy fighting Shy..titties eh where...Shy brother Jimmy done jumped in and start whooping on Maddys mama (Shy Mama stopped fighting and just watched lol)...eldery getting they ass whooped eh where, Shy Deaf brother Tony fighting Maddy's older sister..another bald headed bitch getting her ass whooped eh where...I think her name was Gloria...I cant remember, but she was a bald headed black bitch too..matter of fact all them hoes bald headed and black...but yeah shy was dragging Maddy ass across the concrete by that lil thin ass Ponetail she called a pony tail...Jimmy was putting the thahaws on Maddy mama..she really was getting that ass beat...every time she swung at Jimmy one of them fanny pack xerox tits popped out, then she would fall....it was like watching King Kong fight those fighter pilots on top of the building only to fall to his death..that bitch fell to her death at least 4 times....Some how in the hoodrat battle royal Gloria gets a chain..a bicycle chain lmaoooooo...and starts beating Tony over the head with it...deaf retards getting they ass whooped eh where!!!...this guy Tony cant speak so when he yells it sounds like "BAW BAW BAW GABA GABA BA BA BA" yeah I was dying laughing as I typed that...but yeah she was doing shawty with the chain, until Shy jumped in and and pulled all of that bald headed hoe sides off...ain lyin..bitch was looking like a poor ass bob the builder after that shit. Someone called the cops well after a good 5 minutes of seeing this PPV type fight they call the cops...cops show up...and arrest all they black ass....hell ain even know the cops brought that many handcuffs lol.

The lesson here is...if you black, bald head and on section 8....dont slip up in the mud, because you just might fight an army of mafuckas.

Sweet Jones Scripture: #2 Beat Em

Yeah Sweet just got his haircut and shit and he feels like putting you unblessed niggas on game this Sunday...Today Sweet will tell you how to make these hoes be all they can be...you dig me playa. Pay attention and learn some pimp shit on how to beat these hoes asses.

1. Keep that back hand ready at all times you never know when a bitch might roll her eyes, as soon as she do you roll your fucking hand across that bitches mouth.

2. If a bitch smack her lips....you grab both lips with one hand.... Jackie Chan chop that hoe in the mouth with the other hand, and if she keep smacking her damn lips grab the bitches nose and mouth till she turn blue.

3. Never and sweet means never hit your lightskin hoes in the face...bitches will look like papa smurf if you do....get a timbo boot and step on the hoe feet.

4. Back talk, let the hoe talk...take her for a ride to the countriest middle of no where piece of shit land you can find...leave the hoe...make her walk...and she better walk the whole damn way too

5. Last but not least....drastic times calls for drastic measures...bitch aint making no money, bitch dont want to listen, bitch talking back, bitch trying to be the boss....BEAT THAT FUCKING HOE ASS WITH BUNDLE OF CLOTHES HANGERS....it works, never fails.

Sweet Jones Scripture:Entry # 1 The introduction of Sweet Jones

Now I know some of you niggas, hoes, bitches is like who is Sweet Jones, well let Sweet Tell you who he is...Sweet aint a regular nigga...NAW NOT EVEN HOE...see Sweet is a rare breed of pimpin blessed nigga. You see when Sweet Jones was teleported out of the virgin Marry womb(YEAH BITCH TELEPORTED SWEET AINT WANT THAT PUSSY SLIME ON HIS NEW BABY SKIN), bitches got on they knees and kissed Sweet Jones baby penis crowning him the greatest of all time when it came to this pimp shit bitch. From that day forward sweet didn't do regular thangs NAW NOT EVEN HOE..you see when Sweet drink his orange juice that fucking orange is fresh and ain tombout grocery store fresh NAW NOT EVEN HOE that fucking orange was grew from the ground that morning specifically for Sweet Jones...you see bitch mother nature is one of Sweet Jones bitches, thats why Sweet Jones hoes don't have periods or cramps Naw NOT EVEN HOE they pussy stay smelling like the finest of new born baby pussy. Sweet don't fucking drive either NAW NOT EVEN HOE Sweet get picked up by every toe on his feet by 30 doves and is flew to his destination...And sweet Jones definitely don't talk when he mad Naw not fucking even hoe...Sweet Jones bitches know to use sign language when Sweet ears don't want to hear that shit....Sweet jones get his nails and toe nails cleaned and cut every week and his hoes keep them clippings...because sweet jones finger and toe nails are made out of gold and platinum..know what um tombout bitch! Sweet Hair is washed in the finest of pussy oils, sweet clothes are made from the finest of slave children, sweet bitches don't watch tv or sleep in his room..Sweet bitches sleep on cots in the fucking kitchen where they belong, and hoes don't throw away Sweet Jones condoms NAW NOT EVEN HOE...they use Sweet Jones blessed golden nuts as toothpaste.

Now that you know a little bit about Sweet Jones and how extravagant he is...Sweet will be teaching sorry ass foolish hoes and niggas the fucking game...so be prepared to learn naw you wont ever be Sweet Jones NAW NOT EVEN HOE because hes perfect...but sweet will help limit your sorry ass human pathetic mistakes...and don't question Sweet Jones NAW NOT EVEN HOE Sweet Jones is 20000000000000000 years old so bitch um smarter than you...and sweet is out like that bitch CHURCH HOL UP.

What the Deuce ?

Ok people, we all know back in school how taking a shit was a no go...like it was something you just didn't do, the embarrassment of getting caught was terrifying. We use to throw wet toilet paper on niggas who was taking a shit, and we knew who you was by your sneakers so there wasn't any of that lying tombout it wasn't you...me personally I use to take my shoes off and turn them backwards that way it look like I was taking a piss rather than a shit.....it worked lol. Yeah I'm going to go down a list of some of the funniest weirdest shit I have seen in a school bathroom.

The Sink

So Paul d. west, 6 grade, Ms. shan class, bathroom break.......before I even make it the bathroom the hallway is smelling like fecal juice....like my nose was Harlem shaking all over the place...but still I had to pee so I didn't care. So I walk in the bathroom, but as soon as I walk in everyone is running out laughing...so I'm like what the fuck is so funny, I walk in get smack with scent of a stripper booty clapping with fresh shit in her ass.....THE SHIT WAS RIGHT ON THE SINK...and it just wasnt all in the sink it was in a neat spot curled up on the sink...like this nigga just got his ass on the sink and had an elegant shit....bruh shitted a perfect sand castle on the sink....I died laughing that day lol

Mr. Shaw

This guy was the principal of an elementary school I went to, this guy was a fucking weirdo white dude....any who...I'm going to the bathroom to take a piss and blow my nose. So I take the piss and now I'm going from stall to stall looking for tissue..I get to the last stall...the door is wide open...this dude Mr.shaw is in the stall damn near butt ass naked taking a shit.....I got the hell outta there quick

Basketball game

I played basketball for Elkins Pointe middle school...we had a road game at that shitty ass school...we had about 30 minutes till game time...of course I had to shit...so I tell the captain I gotta shit....he look at me like..."Cuz (LA nigga we called jew) I been had the shit since we got off the bus"...so I'm like "fuck it we got 30 minutes I'm bout go drop these thangs" he like fuck it lets go....somehow the whole team ended up going to the bathroom figures...you tell one person you gotta shit, and everyone else got to shit or piss..or do both...so we get in this bathroom and it doesnt have a roof lmaoooooooooo the fucking bathroom was a droptop convertible Im in this bitch laughing loud as hell bruh....some of the toilets or as I would say commodes were broke...like no lie they was broke into pieces lmaooo how the fuck your toilets leaning on the floor...but still I had to shit of course I couldn't sit down because the toilet was broke..so I just stretch out my hands till they touch both walls and stood up and took a shit

It's Rocks

1999, creekside apartments....we out here running around throwing rocks at each other (the hell you expect its the ghetto) on a hot summer day...now the rocks we were throwing were actually pieces of the parking lot..my cousin Jo is throwing white rocks,unlike everyone else who rocks are black...so I'm like where is he getting these white rocks from...I start looking on the ground, when I realized this nigga was throwing dried up dog shit at people...so I just Yell out "AYE THIS NIGGA THROWING DOG SHIT"...I swear everyone stopped what they was doing lol...this nigga Jo is like "Its not doodoo its rocks" lmao and continues to throws dog shit at people...I ran in the house like a hoe, ain getting hit by dog shit man

Whats that on your back ?

Paul D west once again 6 grade...we had just got in from PE so we changing out our clothes and shit, when we get done we sit in the gym till the buses come...of course this was a friday, and like always Friday=crazy shit. So I'm chilling paying pokemon yellow like bosses do and shit, the buses get called and you know its a scramble to get out of the gym, but before I just ran up out the gym I noticed something smelled like dog shit....so I'm searching, I need to know where this dog shit is located at so I wont step in this dog shit...man I get down the bleachers and I see Ashley Uglass with dog shit all up and down her back, like someone just grabbed a dog ass and scrubbed it up and down her back...I told every damn body just how like Ezell told everybody that smokey was taking a shit.."AYE EVERYBODY, ASHLEY GOT DOG SHIT ALL ON HER BACK" LMAOO we all was in there dying laughing...Ashley standing there jumping up and down crying...smell like dog shit and white folks hair.

Coach Coen

Ok I hate to bring this one up since coach Coen is dead, but damn this its short it wont do any harm...Roswell high was well a white high school...it was cool tho them white folks showed love, I was in the 9th grade so that meant coach Coen was the prince/football coach ...dude stayed giving me iss lol, but on this particular day I guess he gave the wrong student iss...This student prolly did the most vile shit I have ever seen lol...mothafucka took a shit...went outside the bathroom and wrote "FUCK COACH COEN" in shit...oh it was a female by the way

Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round

Yeah I'm back in this thang maneeeeeeeeee I havent told a story in about 3 months been going through some bullshit cuh!!!!! BUT!!!!!!!!! I'M BACK AND I GOT A GOOD STORY FOR YOU HOES...
PDW
6 grade, young nigga attended Paul D. West Middle School....yeahhhhhhhh!!!!!! zone 3!!!!!!! but yeah tho PDW was the shit man, the school had 4 floors no lie bruh you could have a young wench, a young bitch, a young hoe, and a young skank all on different floors and no one will ever know at least them hoes wouldn't....but yeah this school was wild as hell, I swear a fight broke out everyday, shawty no lie, there was a food fight everyday(some dumb ass made the cafeteria 2 floors so you had up stairs and down stairs lunchrooms, the niggas up stairs use to throw their food over the balcony hitting whoever was in the lunch lines lmfao) you could imagine the chaos and fine hoes this school had.

The End of the Day

Now yall know how it is on a Friday getting out of school, shit its CRUNK AS HELL FOR NO REASON BRUH....WHY IN THE FUCK ARE WE SO CRUNK ???? WE LIVE IN THE FUCKING SHITTIEST PROJECTS WE ARE GO HOME TO A DUMP, BUT WE MORE HYPER THAN A STARVING AFRICAN EATING SPIT FOR DINNER I tell you that got dammit...nigga we was.. ready lulz....just thinking about all that damn noise by them buses give me a damn headache real talk lol..and we on the bus


The Bus

So yeah we on this hot ass bus I remember the day like YOU remember them dookie stains you left in your cousins drawz that you had to wear cuz you pissed on yourself the night before, and now you at home hiding them under the bottom of the dirty clothes BECAUSE YO LIL STANK 6 YEAR OLD ASS CANT DO NO FUCKING LAUNDRY MUDD BUTT WENCH!!!.....OK back to the story we on this hot ass bus, its friday, and um niggas is roastin...it was this one kid with braces(I got another story about him) man this nigga mouth was SOOOOO FUCKING BUCK RHEIUGSDGFDGSFG his name was Tony, niggas roasted his ass!!!!!!(back then niggas use to amp a joke up by saying get em) " SHAWTY BOY DONT DO IT, WIT DEM HORSE ANKLES HANGING OUT YA MOUF CUH, (get em)"...."Dont do it shawty, buck mouf ass nigga how you got fangs for ya 2 front teeth, nigga ya name aint tony its Count Buckula (get em) "NIGGA GOT 32 OG GAMEBOYS IN HIS MOUF (get em)" Of course I'm crying I mean I cant help but die laughing shit im lol right now nigga fuck you sayin hoe...bruh aint stand a chance first time riding the bus..

The Stooges

So Tony is getting his ass roasted by Rogeo (ra-geo) his brother Quentin (quin-teen) and Kenneth Porter AKA KP...now this nigga Rogeo was a freckled face mothafucka, loud ass nigga, wanted attention from hoes, but could whoop yo ass he was an 8th grader...his brother quentin was a skinny kid with a red afro light skin niggas ya know funny ass shit tho had bruh in a few of my classes so we was cool...KP was rogeo best friend all this nigga black ass nigga did was talking about eating pussy all damn day...now that I think about what mothafucka in middle school talk about eating pussy lmfao ya know ? Any way all 3 of these niggas sat in the back of the bus and when together someone was getting they ass roasted.

Armpit Shawty

So we almost at home we on Delowe Drive bout to hit Stanton rd (WHATS HANNINNNNNNNNNN ZONE 3 HOE) so I see Ashley this uglass broad who stayed in my apartments who just so happened liked me -_- but yeah shawty had on one of these redneck ass vest plaid shirts with the no sleeves, shit look like it came off a damn picnic table hosted by the Steve Austin family , but any way this hoe puts her arm up against a let down window( MIND YOU, THIS YOUNG WENCH HOE IS AT THE FRONT OF THE BUS) mannnnnnnnnnnnn I swear if odor had a color the inside of our bus would have been dog shit dookie green....the whole damn bus was FUN-K YES FUN-K not funky but FUN-K THAT'S WHEN ITS SO DAMN FUNKY, THE ODOR START PLAYING INSIDE YA NOSE HAVING FUN AND SHIT...Yall already know what was coming...this nigga Quentin Immediatlly started roasted Ashley " DAMN BITCH WTF YO ARMPIT ATE ONION RINGS ?(get em), "Rogeo this hoe stank, go change that hoe armpit diaper (get em)" " Hoe yo stank ass armpit got my afro itching (get em)" Ashley got mad as fuck, actually she got up and went to the back of that bus and started tearing Quentin a new asshole, that ghetto tramp hoe could fight..SHIIITTTT thats why I dont waste my time with uglass folks in a fight, them fools aint got nothing to lose man...so yeah she was handling that nigga....UNTIL..Rogeo gave her that one hitter...you know the one that be in the comic with a special sound effect KASMACK!!!!!! Thats what it sounded like real talk...whole bus " OHHHHHHH SHITTTTTT!!!!!" That ended that fight....but it didnt end that funk.

THE END

God I Hate These Fucking Jeans

OK this is one of the more embarrassing stories I'm going tell...as if all the others were not embarrassing enough but here we go lol

WTF

So I'm in maxway with my moms and shit and she's buying me clothes for school (I was in the 5th grade) , So we walking around and shit and of course in my mind I'm like wtf is this shit maxway wtf real niggas dont wear this shit man...fuck...I knew my moms aint have a lot of money tho with the shitty job she had at the time..

The Pants

so she stumble up on this rack of LEE jeans yeah fucking LEE jeans....WTF BITCH I WANT FUBU GOT DAMMIT, wtf I look like brett favre got dammit...ain out here cutting lawns on john deers and shit fuck....so she picks up the jeans I'll never forget them damn things....they were fucking LEE FLARES fucking FLARES man...they were like bell bottoms on some skater/emo goth kids type of shit....I was angry no lie...but I never showed it, I wanted to make her happy because she was trying and it was hard doing those time of my life even I knew that and I was 1o then...I could have easily called my pops who would've mailed me name brand clothes...but I didn't that wasn't me...so I told her I liked them( should have said fuck no) she got me two fucking pair -_- blue and black....

Jeans.....School

Now listen I tried my best to avoid them fucking jeans, I didn't want to wear them shits to school and get roasted hell....BUT of course I didn't have many clothes barely a week worth to be honest so judgment day was bound to come....

Rocking New Gear

So the first day I wore the black pair...man that had to be the longest walk to the bus stop, my confidence was on par with a bulimic bitch who just ate a bigmac and looked in the mirror.....so yeah kids are looking at me like this nigga cant be serious with them supafly bell bottoms on lmfaoooooooooooo.....they didnt say much, in school I got roasted of course and people stared like a mothafucka lol....it was what I expected eventually I aint trip no more I just accepted it......mafuckas would shout "KEEF BUM ASS WIT DEM WHITE BOY BELL BOTTOMS" lmfaoooo shit is funny as fuck now that I look back on it....wasn't funny then lol tho....

It was worse when I got back home, hell I stayed in the projects (SHOUT OUT TO EAST POINT STANTON RD CREEKSIDE APT PHILLIPS COURT....ALL THAT GOOD SHIT NIGGA BURRRRRRRRR SKURRRRRRRRRR WOOOO WOOO SWAG HOE ASS NIGGAS) niggas roasting the shit out of me when I got off that bus, hell I had to go in the house......the next day the same shit happened man.....shit when I got off that bus i took the back way to my crib so I wouldn't get roasted, I think niggas had super powers or some shit because I took the back way and I could hear niggas on the next street roasting my ass...I'm like damn these mafuckas are predicting where I'm going to be just to roast me.

After a while my moms picked up on it that I didn't like the jeans so she took the jeans and got them hemmed up so they would look normal...I was happy as hell I hated them damn jeans lol..

Moral: DONT LET YA DAMN MAMA PICK YA FUCKING CLOTHES DAMN. On the real no matter how bad the clothes were that my mom picked for me I wore them I knew we aint have shit so I aint complain no matter how bad they were ...this went on till the end of 8th grade...I bet you this tho....no matter how bad my clothes were niggas aint want to roast any more...because I was king of that shit after a while lol...yeah my clothes were raggedy but nigga you fucking ugly lol

The Bloody Caprice

Yeah I know I've been procrastinating about a new post but hell what you expect I'm black, negro, nigga...I don't do shit on time so fuck you pay me...but any way lets get on with the story....

Ok yall know my luck with fucking women is 50/50 some are good...and others are just fucking turrible...I swear there is always a fucking problem on the real, If I fuck 10 hoes in a week out of those 10, 5 will have something wrong with them...its either her pussy stinks, her ass aint big enough, her skin aint soft enough..or I'm just horny and my judgment got clouded on how truly ugly you are...well I got another damn story for you so here we go got damn i.

The Club

Ok so it was 2007 I was attending school at Faulkner university and what can I say I went to the club every night..so my boy and I went to this joint called front street it was college night so hoes were flocking and choosing..me personally I wouldn't be caught dead in that basement of a club now...but yeah so I see this dark skinned broad with nice mass and legs so I'm like fuck it pull her over get a dance HIT MY FLEX...get her number that's the end of that I would tell yall her name but I forgot it so sue me hoe.

FAST FORWARD

So the next day I hit the broad up..and get some shit going form my boy and I..so she tell me to puck her and her friend up from campus at like 8 (SHOUT OUT TO THE HOES AT ALABAMA STATE I FUCKED MANY) so shit its 8 I roll through and pick them up. We get back to the crib and shit so they go in my boys (akeen) room, while we in the living room talking...so I'm like look you gotta fuck her big friend bruh because it's the only way I'm going to slay that black bitch tonight...so akeen like cool nigga its whatever..so I'm like cool lets separate these hoes..ill fuck ol girl in my car..we will go in that church lot behind your crib.....

The Lot

So yeah we in the lot you know I'm bout to go ham on this ass, this freak hoe was readyyyyyyyyyy I'm like "damnmamazlezdoit" so yeah I strip butt ass naked ion give a fuck, she did too..(its dark as fuck) so shit I'm fucking this broad and I'm like damn this hoe got some sauce..shit is wet, I can feel the juice hopping up on me............FUCK YEAH....so I kill that ass for about an hour, I step out my whip butt ass naked in the night air...I'm standing under a lot and shit and when I look down I see blood on my hands and pelvis...I'm like OHHHHHHHHHHHH GOD WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF MY DICK IS BLEEDING I'M DYING FUCKING HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!....but I quickly realized my dumb ass is wearing a condom and its her blood...and thats when it hit me...THIS BITCH IS BLEEDING IN MY CAR...so I yell "AYE get out my car youre bleeding" she like "but I'm naked"...I'm like "GET YOUR BLOODY ASS OUT MY FUCKING CAR...YOU FUCKING UP MY SEATS I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU BEING NAKED GET THE FUCK OUT"....she gets out the car I look at my seats and yup blood is on them..so I'm like fuckkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN I EVER GET A NORMAL BITCH WITH A NORMAL FUCKING UTERUS FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK YOU EVE FUCK YOU ADAM FUCK EVERYTHING DAMN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The end!

DONT GO TO SLEEP

OK this is not really one story more like a series of stories...back when I was in middle school/early high school my cousins and I use to pull pranks on each other whenever we slept over at each other crib....now of course you got prank when you went to sleep...the objective was to be the last one to fall asleep this shit happened every weekend, but a few stuck out that I remember so here we go


The Mouth Pump

this was invented be me and my cousin Amo, one night his brother D had went to sleep first lol...nigga had his mouth wide the fuck open snoring....I'm like aye this nigga need to shut the fuck before I hold his nose and cover his mouth and kill him....he was sleeping on this air mattress we had and I got this idea I went into the closet and got the mattress air pump...so I tell Amo aye we bout to turn this nigga into a Macys Christmas day parade balloon float....so this nigga ama put the tube in that nigga mouth (AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) Im standing here biting my tshirt through laughter...I mean this mothafucka got a fucking tube in his mouth AND IS STILL SLEEP..so after Amo get done....i jump on the air pump like 6 times....LMFAOOOOOOO I SWEAR TO GOD CUH I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!!!...that nigga looked like he was having a seizure or heart attack on some fred sanford type shit........of course we dipped off down stairs LOL...the nigga went back to sleep...we did that shit like 5 times to him through out the night the nigga was pissed lmao

Clogged up face

So one weekend I fucked around and went to sleep early....these niggas thought it would be good to do that fucking air mattress pump prank on me...but i dont sleep with my mouth open so they put the shit up my nose -___________- I was fucking mad I wanted to fucking FIGHT!!! BUT!!! like a dumb ass I went back to sleep and they did that shit again -_____________-. So the next morning I wake up early I take my piss, I dip the plunger in the toilet...put the plunger right in front of D face and yelled out loud...the nigga face jumped right in the plunger lmaooo


Initials

Once again somebody fall alseep, who is it this time ? Amo lmaoo who are the pranksters Vey and me...so we go to the fridge and pull out nothing but condiments (ketchup mustard and mayo) so we go into the room and I'm like fuck this shit lets write out initials in this nigga hair so we do it....the next morning this nigga AMo wakes up and want to joke um like "boy dont do it with ya head tagged up like a harlem subway" this nigga is like what? I keep joking " boy keep talking and ill make a whopper jr out ya head nigga" so of course somebody snitch and tell him what we did after he sees it of course lmaoo...by that time I dipped to vey house ( who stayed up the street )lmao

The Hitler

So one night at my crib I tell this nigga Amo that D was muscle behind him getting mummified in his sleep a few weeks back....so he like for real ? I'm like hell yeah nigga..so he looks at me and say " You know what a Hitler is ?" of course I'm like fuck no...so hes like ill show you....so he digs in to his pants......I'm like " AYE NIGGA I LIKE PUSSY,ain with this gay shit" so I see this nigga digging in his ass scratching like he aint wipe his ass after taking 60 kabilliontrillionzillion shits....im like "Bruh wtf you aint wipe your ass after a shit...we got tissue shawty you can go wipe your ass"...thats when I realized what he was about to do....IT ALL CLICKED IN MY HEAD WHAT HE WAS ABOUT TO DO.....the nigga took his shitty hand with butt crust dookie crumbs on it and wiped it across his brother upper lip and TEETH...I was like WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF X LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOX GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS all I could do was lol....from that day forward I slept in my moms room with the door locked whenever them niggas came to my crib....and when I went over their crib I stayed awake till day light

The 1st Time

This is one of my more embarrassing stories, but hey this is what this blog is for right ??!! So Fuck it DICK SLANG!!! lets get this show on the road.

The History of Horny
Ok listen since I was birth all I ever wanted to do was get some pussy, shit when i was 3 I discovered what titties were...when my sisters had sleep overs house would be filled with girls, I swear the shit was like Christmas...I use to wait outside the bathroom while they took showers...as soon as they came out in them towels i was on the hunt for BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!! I mean im only 3 my sisters are 7-8 years older than me so their friends had some good boobies oh and thighs DEM MOTHAFUCKING THIGHS...but yeah i was mannish...you get the picture

The 1st time

Aight so I was talking to this girl name Tee, I was 12 she was like what ?? 15, 16 shit one of them numbers all I know is I was on some playa shit... AKA YOUNG BAWSE... AKA YOUNG WILD NIGGA... AKA YOUNG STAMINA.... AKA YOUNG CROOKED.... AKA GIVE ME SOME PUSSY... AKA POP DAT PUSSY FOR A YOUNG GOON HOE (SHOUT TO ADAM) ....but yeah tho she stayed to apartments down from me and shit, so i use to be at her crib all the time we actually dated, but a nigga only made it making out and getting my dick jacked. Of course i got tired of this hoe you aint putting out well as Moo Moo say "FUCK YOU DEN HOE" so I canceled that hoe, but the wierdest shit happened...a week later i walk past her crib and she called me over and hit a nigga with the "I WANNA FUCK YOU" line..I was like (Scooby doo voice) RUH? lol a nigga was happy as fuck like hellz yeah BURRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! So she like come by the tomorrow im like cool!!!!

Tomorrow!

So its tomorrow and we up in her room im ass naked in socks ready to do this shit!!!...This hoe scared to get naked she got on her skirt with no panties on..didnt make me none hell I just wanted the pussy.....

complicated -_______-

OKKKKKKKKKKKK the first problem...this broad is tight as fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!! I swear this shit takes at least 30 minutes to get in....The second problem...The broad talking about she keep getting dry, IM 12 bitch I dont know what the fuck you tombout, you better get moist or get ripped to shreds got damn it cuz um ready to dick slang..The third problem, THIS BITCH COOCH WAS SO FUCKING HAIRY, her shit looked like a grizzly bear paw just gross...but im horny and im a virgin so fuck it!!!!!!!!!!

WTF IS THAT SMELL
So we finally fucking in missionary of course....and this stench comes comes out of no where...im thinking to myself as I keep a poker face "do pussy suppose to smell like this???? if so I might become a monk and say the hell with pussy" I mean really Im just like got damn let me hurry the fuck up so I can have a meeting with the old heads (a group of older niggas) I gotta tell them about this SHIT! So I hurry up and finish...go to the bathroom and take the condom off..too bad I wasnt over the toilet because that man goo just spilled all over the floor it made a loud splat noise too like them nickelodeon gak commercials lol..I left it there and dipped, fuck her house with yo dick nigga !
The Talk
So its like 10 at night Im outside chilling in the cut talking to jimmy and Emanuel about what happened....so Im like shawty the bitch Tee stank I fucked...this bitch made Emanuel like "you aint fuck shit you lying" Im looking at this nigga like "bruh first off you 17, fat with feet arthritis...have you even smelled a pussy let alone fuck one..you a borderline pedo stfu ( I was about that life at 12) " So Jimmy is like "I believe keith, because the same thing happened when I was about to fuck her sister (toya)" So Im like do pussy suppose to smell like that ??? Jimmy responds "FUCK NO STUPID MOTHAFUCKA" lol

I told everybody
Now look niggas been wanting fuck Tee for the longest and I did it and the shit was a fail, why not tell??? I fucking told everybody she was FUN-K ain give a damn...bitch clean ya pussy and might have kept my mouth close ( NO IM LYING I STILL WOULD'VE BRAGGED) she was heated...but what could she do tho?? AKA YOUNG BAWSE NIGGA... AKA I GOT DEM FUNKY DRAWS..AKA KEEP YA FUNKY PUSSY TO YASELF CUZ A GOON DONT WONT YOU TO POP IT!!!




Back story

My best friend big mike obvsiouly didnt learn a lesson from my story so...8 years later he fucked TEE and called me up like( his first words) "bruh you were right" im like wtf you talking about nigga...."I fucked tee" I bust out LOL.....



fuck you funky hoes im out

AGTheKid I Know How To Destroy You

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! my blog/twitter rival/nemesis is named AMP GREEN and I have the LIST TO DESTROY HIM...it's short but it will work


DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!


1. Send him a youtube vid of Super Mario getting his fucking brains bashed in with a tiny hammer

2. Invite him over to your crib....invite nas.....break nas fucking legs in Agthekids face. Amp will cry OH HE WILL FUCKING CRY ALRIGHT!!!

3. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST!!!!! Set up a hell in the cell 2 on 1 match with Amp vs Wale x Charles Hamilton....oh and Amp hands are tied up......watch him get the shit beat out of him!

THE MOO MOO ENCOUNTER

Okay this isn't a story more so of a bio/short story about this bad ass kid named moo moo...so here we go



Ok this lil nigga moo moo was born in like 97 I think..so he would be what 13 now i guess, I hope to god that lil mothafucka is in school or locked in a basement some where. Yeah tho back to this nigga story, I think it was about year 2000 when this lil rat bastard starting speaking fluent ebonics/coonglish...

(AYE YOUNG KEITHAHUNDRED I WAS 11 )One day I'm walking with my homeboy through the apartments and shit you know doing what niggas about that life do, and I see Moo Moo rolling up on his big wheel..(now note moo moo knows me, my sister use to babysit this nigga) so im like "whats up moo moo" this lil nigga just sit there and mugs the shit out of me...if he had an Uzi I wouldn't be here right now, so Moo Moo says "Fuck nigga you in the way move yo pussy ass to the side and let me roll through" now I see he was with some little girl so assumed Moo Moo was putting on a front trying to stunt on me....so Im like "Who the fuck you suppose to be bruh" Moo Moo reply "The lil nigga thats gone whoop yo fucking ass" Me "You aint gone do shit, you a fucking bitch Moo Moo" Moo Moo " Naw nigga you fucking pussy" Me "Nigga fuck you, hop yo ass off that big wheel shawty and ima lay you the fuck out in front of ya girl" Moo Moo " FUCK THAT BITCH, nigga and fuck you too and ya fat ass pussy homeboy" ME "MOTHAFUCKA YOU PUSSY, FUCK YOU SAYING ILL KNOCK ALL 5 OF YOUR TEETH OUT" MOO MOO " ENOUGH OF DAT TALK KEEF IF I GET OFF THIS BIG WHEEL IM DOIN YA PUSSY ASS" ME "YOU GET YO LIL INFANT ASS OFF THAT BIG WHEEL AND IMA BREAK YO FUCKING LEGS...YOU AINT MOO MOO YOU A PUSSMOO NIGGA"....why did I say that, before i knew it this lil nigga was off the damn big wheel attacking my legs...um like oh SHIT!!!! get this lil barracuda off me...after like 2 minutes he gets tired...I look around to make sure his mom aint around...I pick his big wheel up(note this nigga is still attacking) I launch that shit in the street....then I pick his punk ass up and lex luger torture rack his ass for a good 2 minutes till he cry....I let him go, but just like Moo Moo he has to have the last word..so he yells "NIGGA FUCK YOU , WHEN I COME BACK IM SHOOTIN FUCK BOY" ME "ITS WHATEVER BITCH MADE NIGGA" MOO MOO "WE GONE SEE BITCH" ME "WE'LL SEE MOTHAFUCKA"


That shit went on everyday until, our projects got bulldozed in 2002

If you reading this Moo Moo FUCK YOU NIGGA...AND YOU DEAD WHEN I SEE YO PUSSY ASS!!!!!

BRICK TO THE FOREHEAD

THIS WILL BE A SHORT STORY!

Ok yall im about to take yall wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy back AGAIN when i was just a lil shawty blowing snot out my nose ( that shit sounded nasty as fuck) this story is a pre-school story just like the barney story.......this time the scene is on the playground.....here we gooooooooooo!!!!!

Recess

So its noon and we just got up from our nap....so of course its time for recess, every toddlers dream when they're locked down in school. So we are outside, some kids are playing on the sliding board, some are shooting hoops on the fisher price goal, and some are of course running around like fucking idiots....back to me tho....back to the sliding board...here I am standing a good distance from the sliding board. I see Amber Grace ( country fucking name FTL...she had a raspy voice even as a kid) so she is climbing the sliding board and I'm standing here with this brick in my damn hand....now I'm thinking to myself do i have the strength/accuracy to knock this bitch up side her head.....only one way to find out.........I throw the damn brick and what do you know WE HAVE OURSELVES A YOUNG TOM BRADY. That shit hit her right on the forehead i could see the blood/brick skid mark on her forehead. Of course she cried loud as fuck even louder than that "best cry" youtube video......everyone on the playground fucking told on me......i was in some deep shit.....you know i didn't think not once about getting in trouble smh...oh well here we go its too late now

The Punishment

Man Mrs. Jones (one of the teachers) snatch my ass up so fucking quick...I know i was fucking dead.....we get inside the school and I see her fucking with the blinds...she is taking the stick off the fucking blinds( you know that shit was composed of some of the most hardest plastic) man she wrapped THAT STICK AROUND MY ASS i mean literally that plastic stick was bending around my body every hit....them hits was quick as hell too i mean her arm had to be doing at least 100 mph in 25 mph school zone......she had me by one arm doing work on that ass whooping....shit had to last at least 5 minutes because she was breathing hard as fuck man.

The Results

Well i got my ass whooped, but the scar i left on Amber's forehead was rewarding....moral of this story....if you believe it you can achieve it BURR!(shout out to kneesh)

GAT DAMN BARNEY STORY

OK so we all remember the hit tv show Barney right ? Don't front either mothafucka because we all know in pre-school that was our shit. Well I'm going to tell you a story about this son of a bitch barney the dinosaur ( he was a dinosaur right ?)

My little scholars Christian academy was the scene of this catastrophe. I hated this gat damn school...they use to whoop our ass with drum sticks and shit ( that's another story ill tell yall about) but yeah tho back to story...so it was one of the kids birthday party, i cant recall the name ion know think the damn girl name was Amber Grace(damn girl looked like a fraggle rock) some country shit like that ion know shit.....but yeah though so its the end of the day and we having the birthday party you know just having fun, so Mrs. Lee ( this big ass cow-a-saurus was every bit of 5'11 with an old outdated french roll and a chin strap beard thicker than ricky rawseeeeeee himself) directed us to the eating area( shit was a damn kitchen stupid ass school wasn't shit but a shotgun house smh) so we sitting down and they bring in the cake, but before they cut the damn cake they tell us to close our eyes, talking about a fucking surprise and shit....so of course we do close our eyes....and 5 seconds later we open them and ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS A FUCKING GIGANTIC PURPLE DINOSAUR IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN!!!!!!!!! It was like a chain reaction of how the kids reacted....some were crying and I'm not talking about regular crying I'm talking about the kind where they yell and take a deep breath to yell some more.....others broke out running, some hid under tables, ME well I stood there in shock hell.....this fucker Barney is sitting there singing pedo shit like " I love you" on tv it sounded like a jolly voice in person it sounded like some possessed demon with a deep voice.....that fool Barney had the nerves to pick up one of the babies that damn baby was clawing that nigga like a damn wolverine badger combo.............THE WORST DAY OF MY TODDLER LIFE, well that's if i exclude the episode where my moms dragged me to see the Easter bunny.

END!

THE GOODWILL STORY

So look we all know what is like going to school on the first day in fresh gear, oooooooo shit we be up till 4 am in the morning with the outfit laid out....shittt we even have the kicks laid out on top of the bed....we be thinking to ourselves " OMG IM GONE HURT EM TOMORROW. Yeah thats how it suppose to be.......This Story is different

SCHOOL SHOPPING

So im at my cousin's crib (Ama, Joe, David), this is a week before school they are suppose to go shopping with their dad (J-dub aka johnny they call him J-dub because he's a cop, which they hate) So these niggas sitting up bragging and shit about how they going to be fresher than me (note I havent went shopping yet) so im like nigga whatever yall buck mouth mouthafuckas need to invest that school money into a damn barrier for the, buck ass teeth. So after like 30 minutes of talking to these barraka off springs J-dub arrives...he like I can tag along if I want so im like cool, I suppose I can see what the competition will be copping for school.

SIDE NOTE

I had to add this part lol. The whole time we riding in the car im looking at J-dub's bald ass head.
The back of his head had this slit by the neck part.....the shit looked like a clitoris....MAN IM TELLING YALL THAT SHIT LOOKED LIKE A WET CUNT (bald head guys be having a lot of grease on they head....on top of that is what hot as hell that day) all i could do was LOL and come up with names about how it looks....."the third hole" " tampon neck" "cuntacular skull"

BACK TO THE STORY

So we riding and we end up in this east point plaza.....so im looking around and im saying to myself they dad must have to meet someone up here.....that changed quickly.....J-dub tells everyone to get out the car and he starts walking in the direction of the GOODWILL....I put my shirt in my mouth and died LOL...the look on these niggas faces where priceless .....so we up in this goodwill this nigga Ama is pissed lol he like "fuck this bruh im not getting shit from here I'll wear some old shit to school......Joe the youngest of the 3 is over here trying on dingy Usher blazers and big ass fabo glasses tombout some "YEAH' lmaooo....now the funniest shit had to be the oldest brother David who was actually walking around goodwill picking shit out like he liked it lmaoooooo shit was hilarious because he had old as wrangler jeans in his hand that looked liked Brett Farve himself had worn in an NFL game lmaoooo this nigga had so much bum shit in his hands I knew this nigga did not like none of that shit..he was just trying to please his father...so after like 20 minutes in GOODWILL J-dub ask them "Yall find anything yall like" all I could think to myself was that this black bald head, 1 Mike Tyson gold tooth ass nigga cant be serious lol............All of them except David says no.........Jdub say "ok lets go" then we leave.

Moral of this story.....dont brag about being fresher than me got dammit